He cried as I slammed his front door
And called out"Don’t you want to see more?"
I yelled “You knit far too much!”
“But I’m no soft touch”
And that I’m afraid, is the score.
Bert thought he’d take up a new hobby
Bert thought he’d take up a new hobby
So called up his best mate Nobby
Bert thought he’d take up a new hobby
So called up his best mate Nobby
They met down the pub
Bert thought he’d take up a new hobby
So called up his best mate Nobby
They met down the pub
For a beer and some grub
Bert thought he’d take up a new hobby
So called up his best mate Nobby
They met down the pub
For a beer and some grub
Then in came another mate Bobby.
The three of them had a good think
The three of them had a good think
And then ordered another drink
The three of them had a good think
And then ordered another drink
Swift halves all round
The three of them had a good think
And then ordered another drink
Swift halves all round
Then all homeward bound
The three of them had a good think
And then ordered another drink
Swift halves all round
Then all homeward bound
To throw up in the sink
The wife appeared with rolling-pin armed
The wife appeared with rolling-pin armed
So Bert sang a serenade until was calmed
The wife appeared with rolling-pin armed
So Bert sang a serenade until was calmed
With a sideways glance
The wife appeared with rolling-pin armed
So Bert sang a serenade until was calmed
With a sideways glance
She took her chance
The wife appeared with rolling-pin armed
So Bert sang a serenade until was calmed
With a sideways glance
She took her chance
And hoped poor old Bert would be charmed
But Bert said I’m sorry my pet
But Bert said I’m sorry my pet
I know that I’m late but yet…
But Bert said I’m sorry my pet
I know that I’m late but yet…
I luv’s ya you fool
But Bert said I’m sorry my pet
I know that I’m late but yet…
I luv’s ya you fool
So don’t be so cruel
But Bert said I’m sorry my pet
I know that I’m late but yet…
I luv’s ya you fool
So don’t be so cruel
And this is the best it will get
Berts wife then broke down and cried
Berts wife then broke down and cried
“To this man I can no longer be tied”
Berts wife then broke down and cried
“To this man I can no longer be tied”
“You are not the man I married” she said whilst in tears
Berts wife then broke down in tears
“To this man I can no longer be tied”
" You are not the man that I married" she said whilst in tears
“So many women and and so many beers”