Limericks. (New)

A fresh start for limericks.
Lines 1. 2. And 5. Seven to ten syllables with the same verbal rhythm.

Lines 3. And 4. Five to seven syllables with the same verbal rhythm.

E.g. There was a young lady from Nice
Insisted on bathing in grease
She slid through the house
Tormenting her spouse
So he hid in the oven for peace.

A nice cup of tea goes down well

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A nice cup of tea goes down well
And a biccy to dunk is swell

A nice cup of tea goes down well
And a biccy to dunk is swell
Hobnobs hit the spot

A nice cup of tea goes down well
And a biccy to dunk is swell
Hobnobs hit the spot
And those I have got

A nice cup of tea goes down well
And a biccy to dunk is swell
Hobnobs hit the spot
And those I have got
Expansion of hips ? Time will tell

The jockey fell off at the start

The jockey fell off at the start
Right on to his private part

The jockey fell off at the start
Right on to his private part
It turned black and blue

The jockey fell off at the start
Right on to his private part
It turned black and blue
And was slightly askew

The jockey fell off at the start
Right on to his private part
It turned black and blue
And was slightly askew
In fact it was up by his heart

A woman once streaked in the street

A woman once streaked in the street
Which gave the onlookers a treat

A woman once streaked in the street
Which gave the onlookers a treat
But she could only run slow

A woman once streaked in the street
Which gave the onlookers a treat
But she could only run slow
And put on a good show

A woman once streaked in the street
Which gave the onlookers a treat
But she could only run slow
And put on a good show
As I pretended to stare at her feet.

‘How dare you’ shouts fun-sized Greta

‘How dare you’ shouts fun-sized Greta
As she read the amount on the meter

‘How dare you’ shouts fun-sized Greta
As she read the amount on the meter
That has to be wrong

‘How dare you’ shouts fun-sized Greta
As she read the amount on the meter
That has to be wrong
She’d said all along

‘How dare you’ shouts fun-sized Greta
As she read the amount on the meter
That has to be wrong
She’d said all along
It’s only a kilowatt heater.

If you ever see Mups after dark

If you ever see Mups after dark
While out with the dogs in the park