Limericks. (New)

Alf slowly got up and limped on home
Then tripped on his garden gnome

Alf slowly got up and limped on home
Then tripped on his garden gnome
As his head hit the concrete he yelled

Alf slowly got up and limped on home
Then tripped on his garden gnome
As his head hit the concrete he yelled
Cos he’d soiled himself and smelled

Alf slowly got up and limped on home
Then tripped on his garden gnome
As his head hit the concrete he yelled
Cos he’d soiled himself and smelled
Then along came his mate Jerome.

“So you’ve been to the pub, I see”

“So you’ve been to the pub, I see”
“You should really have listened to me”

“So you’ve been to the pub, I see”
“You should really have listened to me”
For the amber nectar is without doubt

“So you’ve been to the pub, I see”
“You should really have listened to me”
For the amber nectar is without doubt
Booze that makes you sing and shout!

“So you’ve been to the pub, I see”
“You should really have listened to me”
For the amber nectar is without doubt
Booze that makes you sing and shout!
“But look what it’s done to thee.”

His mate dragged him up off the ground

His mate dragged him up off the ground
Threw him in a taxi and gave him ten pound

His mate dragged him up off the ground
Threw him in a taxi and gave him ten pound
Alas, to the off licence Alf went

His mate dragged him up off the ground
Threw him in a taxi and gave him ten pound
Alas, to the off licence Alf went
On a bottle of whisky his tenner was spent

His mate dragged him up off the ground
Threw him in a taxi and gave him ten pound
Alas, to the off licence Alf went
On a bottle of whisky his tenner was spent
And his hangover was truly profound

Later that day, with pounding head

Later that day, with pounding head
He decided to retire to his bed

Later that day, with pounding head
He decided to retire to his bed
But a knock on the door

Later that day with pounding head
He decided to retire to his bed
But a knock on the door
Made his head 'urt even more

Later that day with pounding head
He decided to retire to his bed
But a knock on the door
Made his head 'urt even more
'Twas his neighbour brought him some bread.

“Twas the last loaf in the shop” said May

“Twas the last loaf in the shop” said May
" I’ll have to back another day"

“Twas the last loaf in the shop” said May
" I’ll have to go back another day"
Panic buying is here

“Twas the last loaf in the shop” said May
" I’ll have to go back another day"
Panic buying is here
For most of this year

“Twas the last loaf in the shop” said May
" I’ll have to go back another day"
Panic buying is here
For most of this year
But it really shouldn’t be that way

But when all were sated the shelves were stocked