Gert grabbed the cat by it’s neck
The cat thought " oh blimey! Oh 'eck!"
Then it spat in Gert’s eye
Gert grabbed the cat by it’s neck
The cat thought “Oh blimey! Oh 'eck!”
Then it spat in Gert’s eye
Gert said “My oh my!”
Gert grabbed the cat by it’s neck
The cat thought “Oh blimey! Oh 'eck!”
Then it spat in Gert’s eye
Gert said “My oh my!”
And the whole room by now was a wreck.
I’ll forgive you this time said Gert with a grin
I’ll forgive you this time said Gert with a grin
But next time you’ll go in the bin
I’ll forgive you this time said Gert with a grin
But next time you’ll go in the bin
So all settled down
I’ll forgive you this time said Gert with a grin
but next time you’ll go in the bin
so all settled down
Dad cracked open a ‘brown’
And mum yelled out ‘dad fetch my gin’
One line at a time sparky 
Plus start the next Limerick…one line at a time.
Plus start the next Limerick…one line at a time
For two lines a time is almost a crime
Plus start the next Limerick…one line at a time
For two lines a time is almost a crime
More than two times will get you “The Cane”
Plus start the next Limerick…one line at a time
For two lines a time is almost a crime
More than two times will get you “The Cane”
And some in the stocks if you don’t refrain
Plus start the next Limerick…one line at a time
For two lines a time is almost a crime
More than two times will get you “The Cane”
And some in the stocks if you don’t refrain
And it helps if the darn thing doth rhyme! 
Bert said to his wife today
Bert said to his wife today
“Do you want go upstairs and play?”
Bert said to his wife today
“Do you want go upstairs and play?”
She repied " It’ll cost yer"
Bert said to his wife today
“Do you want go upstairs and play?”
She repied " It’ll cost yer"
“And it’ll cost yer dear”
Bert said to his wife today
“Do you want go upstairs and play?”
She repied " It’ll cost yer"
“And it’ll cost yer dear”
Says he “Pay for it? No way”
Bert went to bed on his own
Bert went bed on his own
His plans were already sown
Bert went bed on his own
His plans were already sown
He sought out his Playboys
Bert went to bed on his own
His plans were already sown
He sought out his Playboys
And threw out his old toys
Bert went to bed on his own
His plans were already sown
He sought out his Playboys
And threw out his old toys
So he had a good time all alone
Two young whippets running through the park