So at the trial her soul was laid bare
Neighbours and family were there
She sat subdued in the dock
So at the trial her soul was laid bare
Neighbours and family were there
She sat subdued in the dock
Her eyes fixed on the clock
So at the trial her soul was laid bare
Neighbours and family were there
She sat subdued in the dock
Her eyes fixed on the clock
As the jury their verdict did share
The foreman stood and the court was hushed
The foreman stood and the court was hushed
“Life in prison!”, Flo was crushed
The foreman stood and the court was hushed
“Life in prison!”. Flo was crushed
She screamed and she sobbed
The foreman stood and the court was hushed
“Life in prison!”. Flo was crushed
She screamed and she sobbed
“Of my freedom, I’ve been robbed”
The foreman stood and the court was hushed
“Life in prison!”. Flo was crushed
She screamed and she sobbed
“Of my freedom, I’ve been robbed”
Then off in a van she was rushed.
(All that because poor Flo’s old man kept her awake snoring.) 
One night Gert awoke to a scream
One night Gert awoke to a scream
But luckily it was only a frightful dream
One night Gert awoke to a scream
But luckily it was only a frightful dream
At least that’s what she thought
One night Gert awoke to a scream
But luckily it was only a frightful dream
At least that’s what she thought
Till another sound she caught
One night Gert awoke to a scream
But luckily it was only a frightful dream
At least that’s what she thought
Till another sound she caught
It was a tomcat letting off steam
Gert chucked a shoe at the cat
Gert chucked a shoe at the cat
Which yelped and ran out of the flat
Gert chucked a shoe at the cat
Which yelped and ran out of the flat
It came back with it’s mates
Gert chucked a shoe at the cat
Which yelped and ran out of the flat
It came back with it’s mates
All of whom were reprobates
Gert chucked a shoe at the cat
Which yelped and ran out of the flat
It came back with it’s mates
All of whom were reprobates
And they all did a whoopsie on her mat.
Old Gert was not happy 'bout this
Old Gert was not happy 'bout this
Gone was her tranquility and bliss
Old Gert was not happy 'bout this
Gone was her tranquility and bliss
Up she jumped with stick in hand
Old Gert was not happy 'bout this
Gone was her tranquility and bliss
Up she jumped with stick in hand
But never quite whacked as planned
Old Gert was not happy 'bout this
Gone was her tranquility and bliss
Up she jumped with stick in hand
But never quite whacked as planned
The cat was really taking the piss…
Gert grabbed the cat by its neck
Gert grabbed the cat by it’s neck
The cat thought " oh blimey! Oh 'eck!"