Limericks. (New)

Just as I was cleaning my shoe
A traffic warden came into view
and said ‘move along’

Just as I was cleaning my shoe
A traffic warden came into view
and said ‘move along’
‘Or I’ll ticket that pong’

Just as I was cleaning my shoe
A traffic warden came into view
and said ‘move along’
‘Or I’ll ticket that pong’
And I want no more cheek ofa you.

Flo elbowed her hubby for snoring

Flo elbowed her hubby for snoring
Her pleas to stop he was ignoring

Flo elbowed her hubby for snoring
Her pleas to stop he was ignoring
So with pillow in hand

Flo elbowed her hubby for snoring
Her pleas to stop he was ignoring
So with pillow in hand
She smothered him and

Flo elbowed her hubby for snoring
Her pleas to stop he was ignoring
So with pillow in hand
She smothered him and
Hid him under the flooring.

But after a while he did pong

But after a while he did pong
And flo realised she’d done wrong

But after a while he did pong
And flo realised she’d done wrong
So in confidence she told her friend

But after a while he did pong
And Flo realised she’d done wrong
So in confidence she told her friend
Not really sure where this would end

But after a while he did pong
And Flo realised she’d done wrong
So in confidence she told her friend
Not really sure where this would end
But she daren’t leave him there for long.

But the police knocked the door one day

But the police knocked the door one day
" 'Ello 'ello 'ello, what’s that nasty niff " they say

But the police knocked the door one day
“Ello 'ello 'ello, what’s that nasty niff” they say
“Who’s puffin’ on weed?”

But the police knocked the door one day
“Ello 'ello 'ello, what’s that nasty niff” they say
“Who’s puffin’ on weed?”
Or else, who is deid?"

But the police knocked the door one day
“Ello 'ello 'ello, what’s that nasty niff” they say
“Who’s puffin’ on weed?”
Or else, who is deid?"
“Or who’s 'ad sprouts for dinner today?”

Flo turned an ugly shade of red

Flo turned an ugly shade of red
Did they know her husband was dead?

Flo turned an ugly shade of red
Did they know her husband was dead?
By neighbours, he hadn’t been seen

Flo turned an ugly shade of red
Did they know her husband was dead?
By neighbours, he hadn’t been seen
Down the pub his glass stayed really clean!

Flo turned an ugly shade of red
Did they know her husband was dead?
By neighbours, he hadn’t been seen
Down the pub his glass stayed really clean!
“The smell is the sewers” Flo said.

" Well ma’am, we need to come in -
to see you’ve comitted no sin"

" Well ma’am, we need to come in -
to see you’ve comitted no sin"
“Let’s see your warrant” she said