Two old ladies sat in the pub
When Hilda said “Let’s go to the club”
“I fancy a dance”
And some light romance
And possibly some rub a dub dub.
Flo’ said to Hilda “Let’s do it”
Flo’ said to Hilda “Let’s do it”
Make spotted dick with some suet!
Flo’ said to Hilda “Let’s do it”
Make spotted dick with some suet!
So armed with flour and fruit
Flo’ said to Hilda “Let’s do it”
Make spotted dick with some suet!
So armed with flour and fruit
and some arsenic to boot
Flo’ said to Hilda “Let’s do it”
Make spotted dick with some suet!
So armed with flour and fruit
and some arsenic to boot
They gave it to Fred to chew it.
Poor Fred ate a plateful and died :shock:
Poor Fred ate a plateful and died
His wife said " Ok, buried or fried?"
Poor Fred ate a plateful and died
His wife said " Ok, buried or fried?"
So she dug a big hole
Poor Fred ate a plateful and died
His wife said " Ok, buried or fried?"
So she dug a big hole
And threw him in, poor soul
Poor Fred ate a plateful and died
His wife said " Ok, buried or fried?"
So she dug a big hole
And threw him in, poor soul
but was caught and is now ‘inside’!
This afternoon while I was out walking
This afternoon while I was out walking
I met a bloke who couldn’t stop talking
This afternoon while I was out walking
I met a bloke who couldn’t stop talking
So I bought him some toffee
This afternoon while I was out walking
I met a bloke who couldn’t stop talking
So I bought him some toffee
And plied him with coffee
This afternoon while I was out walking
I met a bloke who couldn’t stop talking
So I bought him some toffee
And plied him with coffee
And put him on a train towards Dorking
My glasses have slipped down my nose
My glasses have slipped down my nose
How far? As far as your toes?
My glasses have slipped down my nose
How far? As far as your toes?
You should have worn contacts
(Oooh, can’t find a rhyme with that Tabs?) 
My glasses have slipped down my nose
How far? As far as your toes?
You should have worn contacts
Said I, in the abstract
My glasses have slipped down my nose
How far? As far as your toes?
You should have worn contacts
Cos then you could relax
You beat me Barry, dammit!
My glasses have slipped down my nose
How far? As far as your toes?
You should have worn contacts
Said I, in the abstract
Although really it should be in prose
“Avast there” said the pirate to his men
“Avast there” said the pirate to his men
“We’ll go pillaging, and then”