But the sailor he floated away
And was to end up in Botany Bay
But it doesn’t end there
For on a wing and a prayer
He announced to the World he was Gay.
Old Phil was in tears on the telly
Old Phil was in tears on the telly
he’d found big black spots on his belly
Old Phil was in tears on the telly
he’d found big black spots on his belly
As he lifted his vest
Old Phil was in tears on the telly
He’d found big black spots on his belly
As he lifted his vest
He found black spots on his chest
Old Phil was in tears on the telly
He’d found big black spots on his belly
As he lifted his vest
He found black spots on his chest
and his legs had both turned to jelly.
A giant Yorkshire pudding appeared
A giant Yorkshire pudding appeared
To be bigger than the plate I feared
A giant Yorkshire pudding appeared
To be bigger than the plate I feared
But it sure looked good
A giant Yorkshire pudding appeared
To be bigger than the plate I feared
But it sure looked good
Just as it should
A giant Yorkshire pudding appeared
To be bigger than the plate I feared
But it sure looked good
Just as it should
Till I cut it, then up it reared.
It scared me I have to admit
It scared me I have to admit
… careful. 
It scared me I have to admit
Like jelly from a Quatermass pit
It scared me I have to admit
Like jelly from a Quatermass pit
Is it alien pondered I
It scared me I have to admit
Like jelly from a Quatermass pit
Is it alien pondered I
Could be I did reply
It scared me I have to admit
Like jelly from a Quatermass pit
Is it alien pondered I
Could be I did reply
So I legged it, lickety split
The army arrived with some guns
The army arrived with some guns
Meanwhile ladies turned up with some buns
The army arrived with some guns
Meanwhile ladies turned up with some buns
Following target practice they had tea
The army arrived with some guns
Meanwhile ladies turned up with some buns
Following target practice they had tea
But just to be polite you see
The army arrived with some guns
Meanwhile ladies turned up with some buns
Following target practice they had tea
But just to be polite you see
Then one the soldiers got " The Runs"
The poor lad felt rough for days
The poor lad felt rough for days
And spent most of the time in a daze
The poor lad felt rough for days
And spent most of the time in a daze
So he stayed in bed
The poor lad felt rough for days
And spent most of the time in a daze
So he stayed in bed
Then they found him dead