Limericks. (New)

Two owls so haughty and wise
Had their eyes on two pork pies
The ones with the pickle

Two owls so haughty and wise
Had their eyes on two pork pies
The ones with the pickle
Their fancy did tickle

Two owls so haughty and wise
Had their eyes on two pork pies
The ones with the pickle
Their fancy did tickle
But the one with the egg is the prize

A doddering old man from Dover

A doddering old man from Dover
Woke up with a terrible hangover

A doddering old man from Dover
Woke up with a terrible hangover
he whispered ‘never again’

A doddering old man from Dover
Woke up with a terrible hangover
he whispered ‘never again’
From booze I’ll refrain

A doddering old man from Dover
Woke up with a terrible hangover
he whispered ‘never again’
From booze I’ll refrain
and not let my cup runneth over!

There once was a green man from Mars

There once was a green man from Mars
Who was arrested and put behind bars

There once was a green man from Mars
Who was arrested and put behind bars
He wanted to phone home

There once was a green man from Mars
Who was arrested and put behind bars
He wanted to phone home
But his chances were blown

There once was a green man from Mars
Who was arrested and put behind bars
He wanted to phone home
But his chances were blown
so no-one ever knew where he was!

In a peculiar place named Roswell

In a peculiar place named Roswell
I loved an alien who there happened to dwell

In a peculiar place named Roswell
I loved an alien who there happened to dwell
The result of our passion

In a peculiar place named Roswell
I loved an alien who there happened to dwell
The result of our passion
Although never in fashion

In a peculiar place named Roswell
I loved an alien who there happened to dwell
The result of our passion
Although never in fashion
was a bug-eyed monster named Belle!

Two cats went out on a stormy night

Two cats went out on a stormy night
And got straight into a fight

Two cats went out on a stormy night
And got straight into a fight
They hissed and they spat

Two cats went out on a stormy night
And got straight into a fight
They hissed and they spat
And scratched and all that

Two cats went out on a stormy night
And got straight into a fight
They hissed and they spat
And scratched and all that
And it ended with one huge bite.

One day on a trip to the coast

One day on a trip to the coast
I fancied some hot buttered toast