As quick as a wink I replied
“Yes, I’m fine but I just can’t decide”
A typical bloke said she
Make your choice, is it her or me?
As quick as a wink I replied
“Yes, I’m fine but I just can’t decide”
A typical bloke said she
Make your choice, is it her or me?
“Tis you of course” - but he lied!
So they walked on hand in hand
So they walked on hand in hand
Across a farmer’s land
So they walked on hand in hand
Across a farmer’s land
His thoughts were elsewhere
So they walked on hand in hand
Across a farmers land
His thoughts were elsewhere
He imagined her bare
So they walked on hand in hand
Across a farmers land
His thoughts were elsewhere
He imagined her bare
But things didn’t quite go as planned.
The farmer’s Bull was keeping an eye
The farmer’s Bull was keeping an eye
He fancied a bit of Man Pie
The farmer’s Bull was keeping an eye
He fancied a bit of Man Pie
As he commenced his charge
The farmer’s Bull was keeping an eye
He fancied a bit of Man Pie
As he commenced his charge
Suddenly Nigel Farage
The farmer’s Bull was keeping an eye
He fancied a bit of Man Pie
As he commenced his charge
Thoughts of violence writ large
Sorry Judd, Tango just beat ya. 
The farmer’s Bull was keeping an eye
He fancied a bit of Man Pie
As he commenced his charge
Suddenly Nigel Farage
Dropped down out of the sky!
'Twas the day of the village fete
'Twas the day of the village fete
And Sid went there with his mate
'Twas the day of the village fete
And Sid went there with his mate
When who should he spy
'Twas the day of the village fete
And Sid went there with his mate
When who should he spy
But his ex-wife, Vi
'Twas the day of the village fete
And Sid went there with his mate
When who should he spy
But his ex-wife, Vi
Who was there with her latest date.
Sid went and confronted Vi
Sid went and confronted Vi
But she gave him a poke in the eye
(Hi EZ) 
Sid went and confronted Vi
But she gave him a poke in the eye
Sid let out a squeal
Hi there Mups X
Sid went and confronted Vi
But she gave him a poke in the eye
Sid let out a squeal
And over did keel
Sid went and confronted Vi
But she gave him a poke in the eye
Sid let out a squeal
And over did keel
So Sid said to Vi, goodbye
Poor Vi was left on her own
Poor Vi was left on her own
Said Vi “I don’t like his tone!”