Fred fancied a walk into town
Wearing his tartan dressing gow
With slippers to match
Fred fancied a walk into town
Wearing his tartan dressing gow
With slippers to match
He looked quite a catch
Fred fancied a walk into town
Wearing his tartan dressing gown
With slippers to match
He looked quite a catch
In fact he looked almost full grown
He thought he’d pop in for a coffee
He thought he’d pop in for a coffee
And perhaps a slice of Banoffee
He thought he’d pop in for a coffee
And maybe a slice of banoffee 
He thought he’d pop in for a coffee
And perhaps a slice of Banoffee
The coffee was cold
He thought he’d pop in for a coffee
And perhaps a slice of Banoffee
The coffee was cold
And the banoffee had mould 
He thought he’d pop in for a coffee
And perhaps a slice of Banoffee
The coffee was cold
And the banoffee had mould
In anger he threw it at me.
I went to the shop for some bread.
I went to the shop for some bread
Then bumped into Eric instead
I went to the shop for some bread
Then bumped into Eric instead
He told me some news
I went to the shop for some bread
Then bumped into Eric instead
He told me some news
He had booked a cruise
I went to the shop for some bread
Then bumped into Eric instead
He told me some news
He had booked a cruise
But mislaid the tickets in his shed!
You can imagine he was in a frantic state 
You can imagine he was in a frantic state
He was worried about being late
You can imagine he was in a frantic state
He was worried about being late
He searched high and low
You can imagine he was in a frantic state
He was worried about being late
He searched high and low
And shouted ‘Oh no’
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You can imagine he was in a frantic state
He was worried about being late
He searched high and low
And shouted ‘Oh no’
That cruise ship just won’t wait
Eric found them in the loo
Eric found them in the loo
little & long and stuck with glue
Eric found them in the loo
little & long and stuck with glue
So a taxi he rang