Limericks. (New)

A trip to the chip-shop thought he
Would be spot on for my tea
Then he thought What a waste!
I’ll have some fish paste
What a tight git was he!

Mabel was off on a date

Mabel was off on a date
She hoped she looked sexy and great

Mabel was off on a date
She hoped she looked sexy and great
They’d only spoken online

Mabel was off on a date
She hoped she looked sexy and great
They’d only spoken online
But he sounded just fine

Mabel was off on a date
She hoped she looked sexy and great
They’d only spoken online
But he sounded just fine
And to be honest she just couldn’t wait!

She walked into the pub and looked around…

She walked into the pub and looked around…
One of those pubs where you spat on the ground

She walked into the pub and looked around…
One of those pubs where you spat on the ground
Mabel felt over-dressed

She walked into the pub and looked around…
One of those pubs where you spat on the ground
Mabel felt over-dressed
You can probably guess the rest

She walked into the pub and looked around…
One of those pubs where you spat on the ground
Mabel felt over-dressed
You can probably guess the rest
Then silence . . . Not one single sound.

Men stared and started to leer

Men stared and started to leer
And offered to buy her a beer

Men stared and started to leer
And offered to buy her a beer
" I prefer Gin and It"

Men stared and started to leer
And offered to buy her a beer
" I prefer Gin and It"
“Although I’ll admit”

Men stared and started to leer
And offered to buy her a beer
“I prefer Gin and It”
“Although I admit”
“Too much and I take off my gear!”

"Get it off " yelled most of the men

"Get it off " yelled most of the men
She felt embarrassed, and then . .

"Get it off " yelled most of the men
She felt embarrassed, and then . .
Hurriedly took her leave

"Get it off " yelled most of the men
She felt embarrassed, and then . .
Hurriedly took her leave
Feeling rather naive

[quote=“Mups, post:7218, topic:58188, full:true”]
"Get it off " yelled most of the men
She felt embarrassed, and then . .
Hurriedly took her leave
Feeling rather naive
So went all the way home again.

Fred fancied a walk into town

Fred fancied a walk into town
Wearing his tartan dressing gown