There was an old man in Corfu
Who was desperate to go to the loo
He was stuck in bar
So couldn’t go far
There was an old man in Corfu
Who was desperate to go to the loo
He was stuck in bar
So couldn’t go far
What on earth was he going to do???
Next one please Ruthio? 
I’m in a bad mood today 
I’m in a bad mood today
Mother In Law’s coming to stay
I’m in a bad mood today
Mother In Law’s coming to stay
Perhaps I could hide?
I’m in a bad mood today
Mother In Law’s coming to stay
Perhaps I could hide?
Or take a bus ride
I’m in a bad mood today
Mother in Law’s coming to stay
Perhaps I could hide?
Or take a bus ride
Though maybe its better if she died 
Just one more piece of cake…
Just one more piece of cake…
Cos I’ve gotta leave room for my steak
Just one more piece of cake…
Cos I’ve gotta leave room for my steak
What?! Cake before mains?
Just one more piece of cake
Cos I’ve gotta leave room for my steak
What?! Cake before mains?
I’ll be emptying my bowels
Just one more piece of cake
Cos I’ve gotta leave room for my steak
What?! Cake before mains?
And watch my weight gain?
Just one more piece of cake
Cos I’ve gotta leave room for my steak
What?! Cake before mains?
And watch my weight gain?
A mistake I’m not likely to make
I wandered, lonely as a cloud
I wandered, lonely as a cloud
And as I walked I sang out loud 
I wandered, lonely as a cloud
And as I walked I sang out loud
And sheep and cows grazing nearby
I wandered, lonely as a cloud
And as I walked I sang out loud
And sheep and cows grazing nearby
Such a blissful day . . . sigh . .
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I wandered, lonely as a cloud
And as I walked I sang out loud
And sheep and cows grazing nearby
Such a blissful day . . . sigh . .
But my singing had ‘em all cowed
There was a small boy from Yate
There was a small boy from Yate
Who wanted to learn how to skate
There was a small boy from Yate
Who wanted to learn how to skate
He skewed and he slipped and he slid