Feet up really fancied a beer
But then I came over all queer
Feet up really fancied a beer
But then I came over all queer
So I went for a bath
Feet up really fancied a beer
But then I came over all queer
So I went for a bath
Tripped up on the path 
Feet up really fancied a beer
But then I came over all queer
So I went for a bath
Tripped up on the path
And nobody knew I was here.
So I started to yell for help
So I started to yell for help
'Cos I must have slipped on some kelp
So I started to yell for help
'Cos I must have slipped on some kelp
But help came there none
So I started to yell for help
'Cos I must have slipped on some kelp
But help came there none
I thought to myself I’m done
So I started to yell for help
'Cos I must have slipped on some kelp
But help came there none
I thought to myself I’m done
So there was nothing to do but yelp.
I laid there writhing in pain
I laid there writhing in pain
One hand stuck fast in the drain
I laid there writhing in pain
One hand stuck fast in the drain
Then along came a copper
I laid there writhing in pain
One hand stuck fast in the drain
Then along came a copper
Who also came a cropper
I laid there writhing in pain
One hand stuck fast in the drain
Then along came a copper
Who also came a cropper
But he phoned his friend called Jane
Along she came with a wrench
Along she came with a wrench
From her accent I guessed she was French
Along she came with a wrench
From her accent I guessed she was French
"Bonjour, may I help?
Along she came with a wrench
From her accent I guessed she was French
"Bonjour, may I help?
And she wrapped it in kelp … (hard to rhyme ) 
Along she came with a wrench
From her accent I guessed she was French
"Bonjour, may I help?
And she wrapped it in kelp
It worked but it didn’t half stench
The arm, it became free
The arm, it became free
I think it was broken, between you and me
The arm, it became free
I think it was broken, between you and me
To A&E they did go