Limericks. (New)

Lemon Drizzle’s my favourite cake
And it’s quite easy to bake
Just mix it all in
Add a quick slug of gin

Lemon Drizzle’s my favourite cake
And it’s quite easy to bake
Just mix it all in
Add a quick slug of gin
My diet I will have to forsake

It’s rather cold up here just now

It’s rather cold up here just now
With ice forming on branch and bow

It’s rather cold up here just now
With ice forming on branch and bow
Get your thermal drawers out

And swing them about

It’s rather cold up here just now
With ice forming on branch and bow
Get your thermal drawers out
And swing them about
That’ll warm yer, I vow.

When Bertie ate his mince pie

When Bertie ate his mince pie
He found a half-eaten fly!

When Bertie ate his mince pie
He found a half-eaten fly!
“Oh yeuch”, Bertie cried

When Bertie ate his mince pie
He found a half-eaten fly!
“Oh yeuch”, Bertie cried
Opening his mouth wide

When Bertie ate his mince pie
He found a half-eaten fly!
“Oh yeuch”, Bertie cried
Opening his mouth wide
And spat it right in me eye!

“Oi, why d’ya go and do that”?

“Oi, why d’ya go and do that”?
Said the half-eaten-fly splattered cat

“Oi, why d’ya go and do that”?
Said the half-eaten-fly splattered cat
Cos it’s better out than in

“Oi, why d’ya go and do that”?
Said the half-eaten-fly splattered cat
Cos it’s better out than in
And I can’t find a bin

“Oi, why d’ya go and do that”?
Said the half-eaten-fly splattered cat
Cos it’s better out than in
And I can’t find a bin
You’ve ruined my best Sunday hat.

Mr. Pig said to his wife

Mr. Pig said to his wife
“You enhance my quality of life”

Mr. Pig said to his wife
“You enhance my quality of life”
Her pink smiley face

Mr. Pig said to his wife
“You enhance my quality of life”
Her pink smiley face
Looked good enough to taste

Mr. Pig said to his wife
“You enhance my quality of life”
Her pink smiley face
Looked good enough to taste
He’s so glad she’s his trouble and strife

Mrs Pig, on the other hand

Mrs Pig, on the other hand
Thought her husband looked very bland

Mrs Pig, on the other hand
Thought her husband looked very bland
Had she made a mistake?