When Barney was having a shave
He thought about his mate Dave
(But not in a sexual way)
'Cos neither Barney nor Dave were gay
And later on they were going to a rave.
The room was hot, the music loud
The room was hot, the music loud
Despite the covid, a huge crowd
The room was hot, the music loud
Despite the covid, a huge crowd
They got to the bar
The room was hot, the music loud
Despite the covid, a huge crowd
They got to the bar
But the noise was starting to jar
The room was hot, the music loud
Despite the covid, a huge crowd
They got to the bar
But the noise was starting to jar
So they sneaked out, never to return they vowed.
Dawn and Jack went to the fair
Dawn and Jack went to the fair
She wanted to win a teddy bear
Dawn and Jack went to the fair
She wanted to win a teddy bear
So off they went to the rifle range
Dawn and Jack went to the fair
She wanted to win a teddy bear
So off they went to the rifle range
Paid £20 - but got no change!
Dawn and Jack went to the fair
She wanted to win a teddy bear
So off they went to the rifle range
Paid £20 - but got no change!
So she shot the stallholder without a care
While he was laying prostrate on the floor
She nicked a teddy, and ran out the door
While he was laying prostrate on the floor
She nicked a teddy, and ran out the door
But the fairman was quick and grabbed old Jack
While he was laying prostrate on the floor
She nicked a teddy, and ran out the door
But the fairman was quick and grabbed old Jack
And made him give the teddy back
While he was laying prostrate on the floor
She nicked a Teddy, and ran out the door
But the fairman was quick and grabbed old Jack
Cought by the collar, he fell on his back
While he was laying prostrate on the floor
She nicked a teddy, and ran out the door
But the fairman was quick and grabbed old Jack
And made him give the teddy back
Then told him to come back no more.
Sailor Tom came home on leave
Sailor Tom came home on leave
His mum had died and he’d come home to grieve
Sailor Tom came home on leave
His mum had died and he’d come home to grieve
But on the day of the wake
Sailor Tom came home on leave
His mum had died and he’d come home to grieve
But on the day of the wake
He made a mistake
Sailor Tom came home on leave
His mum had died, and he’d come home to grieve
But on the day of the wake
He made a mistake
And ripped a big hole in his sleeve
He took his suit in for repair
He took his suit in for repair
To a tailor well known for his flair
He took his suit in for repair
To a tailor well known for his flair
Trained at Savile Row did he
He took his suit in for repair
To a tailor well known for his flair
Trained at Savile Row did he
From nine o’clock till half past three