When Fred said “What is for tea?”
Gladys replied “eggs, for you and me”
Does that come with bacon too?
“Only for me - not you”
Well, you selfish S.O.B.
I shall cook me own then 
I shall cook me own then
Just enough for me and Ben
" Ishall cook me own then
Just enough for me and Ben"
But Gladys gave him a push
“I shall cook me own then
Just enough for me and Ben”
But Gladys gave him a push
And he fell on his mush
“I shall cook me own then
Just enough for me and Ben”
But Gladys gave him a push
And he fell on his mush
And he was out for the count of ten.
Gladys was distraught, thought he was dead
Gladys was distraught, thought he was dead
She sat on the floor and held his head
Gladys was distraught, thought he was dead
She sat on the floor and held his head
His eyes opened wide
Gladys was distraught, thought he was dead
She sat on the floor and held his head
His eyes opened wide
And with a gasp, he cried
Gladys was distraught, thought he was dead
She sat on the floor and held his head
His eyes opened wide
And with a gasp, he cried
I wish we’d never got wed!
Roadworks are a pain in the rear
Roadworks are a pain in the rear
And we’re not short of them around here
Roadworks are a pain in the rear
And we’re not short of them around here
Yet the pot holes remain
Roadworks are a pain in the rear
And we’re not short of them around here
Yet the potholes remain
Which are overflowing with rain
Hah. Very good, Barry. 
Roadworks are a pain in the rear
And we’re not short of them around here
Yet the potholes remain
Which are overflowing with rain
And the cyclists must be living in fear.
On his way home from the Pub
On his way home from the Pub
Ted fancied a bit of grub
On his way home from the Pub
Ted fancied a bit of grub
The kebab wagon beckoned
On his way home from the pub
Ted fancied a bit of grub
The kebab wagon beckoned
“They’re cheap here” he reckoned
On his way home from the pub
Ted fancied a bit of grub
The kebab wagon beckoned
“They’re cheap here” he reckoned
But the floor really needed a scrub.
The grease on the floor made him skid
The grease on the floor made him skid
And the owner offered him some squid
The grease on the floor made him skid
And the owner offered him some squid
But by then he felt sick
The grease on the floor made him skid
And the owner offered him some squid
But by then he felt sick
So ran out the shop quick