Limericks. (New)

Down the library,searching for a book
I really wanted to learn how to cook
There was Delia and Jamie and Gordon too
If this doesn’t scan I’ll know who to sue

Down the library,searching for a book
I really wanted to learn how to cook
There was Delia and Jamie and Gordon too
If this doesn’t scan I’ll know who to sue
Oh and Mary Berry, that’s surely worth a look.

Ted and Mary, walking in the park

Ted and Mary, walking in the park
Lost track of time, it got really dark

Ted and Mary, walking in the park
Lost track of time, it got really dark
They got arrested for not wearing masks

Ted and Mary, walking in the park
Lost track of time, it got really dark
They got arrested for not wearing masks
And drinking alcohol out of their flasks

Ted and Mary, walking in the park
Lost track of time, it got really dark
They got arrested for not wearing masks
And drinking alcohol out of their flasks
Saying " Sorry m’lud. it was just for a lark"

The Judge said “Sorry but that’s no defense”

The Judge said “Sorry but that’s no defense”
And you appear to have no common sense

The Judge said “Sorry but that’s no defense”
And you appear to have no common sense
The Covid threat is very real

The Judge said “Sorry but that’s no defense”
And you appear to have no common sense
The Covid threat is very real
And you’ll need to appeal

The Judge said “Sorry but that’s no defense”
And you appear to have no common sense
The Covid threat is very real
And you’ll need to appeal
You can’t just stay sat on the fence.

Meanwhile in courtroom four

Meanwhile in courtroom four
He slipped the cuffs and ran for the door

Meanwhile in courtroom four
He slipped his cuffs and ran for the door
but just as he made it outside

Meanwhile in courtroom four
He slipped his cuffs and made for the door
But just as he made it outside
He ran into his former bride

Meanwhile in courtroom four
He slipped his cuffs and made for the door
But just as he made it outside
He ran into his former bride
Who knocked him down to the floor

She made a citizen’s arrest

She made a citizen’s arrest
Whilst kneeling on his chest

She made a citizen’s arrest
Whilst kneeling on his chest
Revenge from a woman scorned

She made a citizen’s arrest
Whilst kneeling on his chest
Revenge from a woman scorned
“Don’t struggle, you’ve been warned”

She made a citizen’s arrest
Whilst kneeling on his chest
Revenge from a woman scorned
“Don’t struggle, you’ve been warned”
We’re fed up with you being a pest.

Two Gnomes were having a chat

Two Gnomes were having a chat
When the one in the long pointed hat

Two Gnomes were having a chat
When the one in the long pointed hat
Said “What became of Snow White?”