Limericks. (New)

The following day when he woke

The following day when he woke
He found he could only croak

The following day when he woke
He found he could only croak
His throat felt like glass

The following day when he woke
He found he could only croak
His throat felt like glass
His eyes the colour of brass

The following day when he woke
He found he could only croak
His throat felt like glass
His eyes the colour of brass
Plus it really hurt when he spoke.

He decided to keep his mouth shut

He decided to keep his mouth shut
And in his bed he’d stay put

He decided to keep his mouth shut
And in his bed he’d stay put
Sucking Fisherman’s Friends

He decided to keep his mouth shut
And in his bed he’d stay put
Sucking Fisherman’s Friends
Right down to the ends

He decided to keep his mouth shut
And in his bed he’d stay put
Sucking Fisherman’s Friends
Right down to the ends
Until he got a pain in the gut

His bowels became a bit loose

His bowels became a bit loose
In fact it was like orange juice

His bowels became a bit loose
In fact it was like orange juice
But that’s too much information

His bowels became a bit loose
In fact it was like orange juice
But that’s too much information
To share with the nation

His bowels became a bit loose
In fact it was like orange juice
But that’s too much information
To share with the nation
But he left the remaining fruit juice.

Down at the Co-op in Gwent

Down at the Co-op in Gwent
None of the cucumbers were bent

Down at the Co-op in Gwent
None of the cucumbers were bent
But the carrots were squint

Down at the Co-op in Gwent
None of the cucumbers were bent
But the carrots were squint
And tasted of mint

Down at the Co-op in Gwent
None of the cucumbers were bent
But the carrots were squint
And tasted of mint
And gave off a heavenly scent

I settled for a bag of spuds

I settled for a bag of spuds
And found that most them were duds

I settled for a bag of spuds
And found that most of them were duds
Infested with slugs