She said she was feeling the cold
Because she was getting old
She said she was feeling the cold
Because she was getting old
So he gave her his hat
She said she was feeling the cold
Because she was getting old
So he gave her his hat
And a new thermostat
She said she was feeling the cold
Because she was getting old
So he gave her his hat
And a new thermostat
Then wondered if that was too bold.
Alf Steptoe was feeding his horse
All Steptoe was feeding his horse
He let one rip with a great deal of force
Alf Steptoe was feeding his horse
He let one rip with a great deal of force
The hay bale caught light
Alf Steptoe was feeding his horse
He let one rip with a great deal of force
The hale bale caught light
What a wondrous sight
Alf Steptoe was feeding his horse
He let one rip with a great deal of force
The hale bale caught light
What a wondrous sight
As he shot off across the Golf course.
A woman in toity high heels
A woman in toity high heels
Had a passion for jellied eels
A woman in toity high heels
Had a passion for jellied eels
But while gorging the treat one day
A woman in toity high heels
Had a passion for jellied eels
But while gorging the treat one day
The heel on her shoe came away
A woman in toity high heels
Had a passion for jellied eels
But while gorging the treat one day
The heel on her shoe came away
And she dropped all her Meals on Wheels.
My Christmas cards I must sit down and write
My Christmas cards I must sit down and write
I was meant to do them tonight
My Christmas cards I must sit down and write
I was meant to do them tonight
But I’ve been watching the telly
My Christmas cards I must sit down and write
I was meant to do them tonight
But I’ve been watching the telly
While filling my belly
My Christmas cards I must sit down and write
I was meant to do them tonight
But I’ve been watching the telly
While filling my belly
I’ll do them tomorrow - well I might. 
When Maude wrote to Santa this year
When Maude wrote to Santa this year
Asking for a six pack of beer
When Maude wrote to Santa this year
Asking for a six pack of beer
She forgot to say ‘please’
A woman in toity high heels
Had a passion for jellied eels
But while gorging the treat one day
She was sick in a bale of hay
When Maude wrote to Santa this year
Asking for a six pack of beer
She forgot to say 'please
So received a plague of fleas