Limericks. (New)

Bonfire night could be off so it seems
So I’ll console myself with some custard creams
And some Yorkshire Parkin and a jacket spud
And stay indoors, out of the mud

Bonfire night could be off so it seems
So I’ll console myself with some custard creams
And some Yorkshire Parkin and a jacket spud
And stay indoors, out of the mud
And sit here quietly with my dreams.

There was an old man from Fleet

There was an old man from Fleet
Who decided to give up eating meat

There was an old man from Fleet
Who decided to give up eating meat
But before long he knew

There was an old man from Fleet
Who decided to give up eating meat
But before long he knew
He would really fancy a stew

There was an old man from Fleet
Who decided to give up eating meat
But before long he knew
He would really fancy a stew
So giving up going veggie would really be a treat.

The dogs were on the sofa, one each end

The dogs were on the sofa, one each end
Their muddy paw prints drove me round the bend

The dogs were on the sofa, one each end
Their muddy paw prints drove me round the bend
There’s no room for me

The dogs were on the sofa, one each end
Their muddy paw prints drove me round the bend
There’s no room for me
Then it’s on the floor for thee

The dogs were on the sofa, one each end
Their muddy paw prints drove me round the bend
There’s no room for me
Then it’s on the floor for thee
Yeah, on that you can depend!

There once was a Vicar from Ealing

There was once a vicar from Ealing
Saw a wasp buzzing round on his ceiling

There was once a vicar from Ealing
Saw a wasp buzzing round on his ceiling
So he got out his swat

There was once a vicar from Ealing
Saw a wasp buzzing round on his ceiling
So he got out his swat
The wasp said “No you’re not!”

There was once a vicar from Ealing
Saw a wasp buzzing round on his ceiling
So he got out his swat
The wasp said “No you’re not!”
You don’t know with who you are dealing

The vicar went down on his knees

The vicar went down on his knees
And prayed “Let me get that wasp, please”

The vicar went down on his knees
And prayed “Let me get that wasp, please”
Then a voice from above said

The vicar went down on his knees
And prayed “Let me get that wasp, please”
Then a voice from above said
“Perish those thoughts in your head”

The vicar went down on his knees
And prayed “Let me get that wasp, please”
Then a voice from above said
“Perish those thoughts in your head”
“Or I’ll send in a squadron of fleas”

“Did I hear voices” said the boy from the choir

“Did I hear voices” said the boy from the choir
As he warmed himself next to the fire

“Did I hear voices?” said the boy from the choir
As he warmed himself next to the fire
It was just the church mouse