But on his way to the kitchen he tripped
Then trod in some water and slipped
He fell on his bum
Which quickly went numb
And he noticed his trousers were ripped
Off to the menders he went
Off to the menders he went
And he got off the bus in Kent
Off to the menders he went
And he got off the bus in Kent
And picked up an illegal
Off to the menders he went
And he got off the bus in Kent
And picked up an illegal
Along with his Beagle
Off to the menders he went
And he got off the bus in Kent
And picked up an illegal
Along with his Beagle
And set them up in a tent
The illegals began to complain
The illegals began to complain
Cos they were pitched by a smelly drain
The illegals began to complain
Cos they were pitched by a smelly drain
They were used to hotels of four star
The illegals began to complain
Cos they were pitched by a smelly drain
They were used to hotels of four star
With full room service and mini bar
The illegals began to complain
Cos they were pitched by a smelly drain
They were used to hotels of four star
With full room service and mini bar
But here it was non stop rain.
Next day the police stopped by
Next day the police stopped by
And gave them the evil eye
Next day the police stopped by
And gave them the evil eye
The illegals just ran
Next day the police stopped by
And gave them the evil eye
The illegals just ran
But found an old van
Next day the police stopped by
And gave them the evil eye
The illegals just ran
But found an old van
Then waved the coppers bye bye.
Bert was sure he was going to melt
Bert was sure he was going to melt
Into a big pool, with no life belt
Bert was sure he was going to melt
Into a big pool, with no life belt
But his luck was about to change
Bert was sure he was going to melt
Into a big pool, with no life belt
But his luck was about to change
Which was something he did not arrange
Bert was sure he was going to melt
Into a big pool, with no life belt
But his luck was about to change
Which was something he did not arrange
But was just the hand he was dealt.
Good luck was something new to Bert
Good luck was something new to Bert
If he gambled he would lose his shirt
Good luck was something new to Bert
If he gambled he would lose his shirt
But a letter through his door
Good luck was something new to Bert
If he gambled he would lose his shirt
But a letter through his door
Said Bert, you’re no longer poor