Can’t do that one Judsy . . 
The oven repair man came calling
A bed beside the cooker, that’s appalling!
Buck naked from head to her feet
She set light to her sheet
And the poor cow ended up bawling
The repairman tried to console her
But at consoling he was quite amateur
The repairman tried to console her
But at consoling he was quite amateur
With his big clumsy hands
The repairman tried to console her
But at consoling he was quite amateur
With his big clumsy hands
And dressed like a ‘trans’
The repairman tried to console her
But at consoling he was quite amateur
With his big clumsy hands
And dressed like a ‘trans’
He was neither one thing nor t’other. 
A little bird fell from the sky
A little bird fell from the sky
And landed in my apple pie
A little bird fell from the sky
And landed in my apple pie
So using my spoon
A little bird fell from the sky
And landed in my apple pie
So using my spoon
Which was a positive boon
A little bird fell from the sky
And landed in my apple pie
So using my spoon
Which was a positive boon
It flew off and waved me bye bye.
Poor Gert got in such a muddle
Poor Gert got in such a muddle
As she got stuck in great big puddle
Poor Gert got in such a muddle
As she got stuck in great big puddle
Struggle and strive as she might
Poor Gert got in such a muddle
As she got stuck in great big puddle
Struggle and strive as she might
She was wedged in tight
Poor Gert got in such a muddle
As she got stuck in a great big puddle
Struggle and strive as she might
She was wedged in tight
Longing for a rescuer’s cuddle
Then along came a strapping young fellow
Then along came a strapping young fellow
Whose demeanor was relaxed and mellow
Then along came a strapping young fellow
Whose demeanor was relaxed and mellow
He grabbed Gert by the hand
Then along came a strapping young fellow
Whose demeanour was relaxed and mellow
He grabbed Gert by the hand
Got her on to dry land
Then along came a strapping young fellow
Whose demeanour was relaxed and mellow
He grabbed Gert by the hand
Got her on to dry land
It was Wet Wet Wet’s Marty Pellow.
‘love is all around’ he said
‘love is all around’ he said
As he gently caressed her head
‘love is all around’ he said
As he gently caressed her head
‘Now I’m wishing I was lucky’