A dentist would cost too much dosh
And they wouldn’t let me in without a wash
A dentist would cost too much dosh
And they wouldn’t let me in without a wash
So armed with some pliers
A dentist would cost too much dosh
And they wouldn’t let me in without a wash
So armed with some pliers
And some strong thick wires
A dentist would cost too much dosh
And they wouldn’t let me in without a wash
So armed with some pliers
And some strong thick wires
And a nicked bottle of mouthwash.
With mirror in hand he sat down
With mirror in hand he sat down
Amazed that his teeth were so brown
With mirror in hand he sat down
Amazed that his teeth were so brown
But with pliers in hand
With mirror in hand he sat down
Amazed that his teeth were so brown
But with pliers in hand
And a pain he could no longer stand
With mirror in hand he sat down
Amazed that his teeth were so brown
But with pliers in hand
And a pain he could no longer stand
Thought “I’ll just pull this tooth, then hit the town”
But things didn’t go as he’d planned
But things didn’t go as he’d planned
When his neighbour came in to lend him a hand
But things didn’t go as he’d planned
When his neighbour came in to lend him a hand
For as they yanked out the tooth
But things didn’t go as he’d planned
When his neighbour came in to lend him a hand
For as they yanked out the tooth
In walked sister Ruth
But things didn’t go as he planned
When his neighbour came in to lend him a hand
For as they yanked out the tooth
In walked sister Ruth
With painkillers from Boots on The Strand
Now Ruth had a bedsit in Ealing
Now Ruth had a bedsit in Ealing
It was small but very appealing
Now Ruth had a bedsit in Ealing
It was small but very appealing
With her bed next to her cooker
Now Ruth had a bedsit in Ealing
It was small but very appealing
With her bed next to her cooker
The fan oven shook her
Now Ruth had a bedsit in Ealing
It was small but very appealing
With her bed next to her cooker
The fan oven shook her
Which she found unappealing
The oven repair man came calling
The oven repair man came calling
A bed beside the cooker, that’s appalling!
Buck naked from head to her feet
The oven repair man came calling
A bed beside the cooker, that’s appalling!
Buck naked from head to her feet
She set light to her sheet
The oven repair man came calling
A bed beside the cooker, that’s appalling!
Buck naked from head to her feet
She set light to her sheet
And the poor cow ended up bawling
The repairman tried to console her