His missus had made a wild swing
And tore off her wedding ring
Whilst she was searching the floor
His missus had made a wild swing
And tore off her wedding ring
Whilst she was searching the floor
Jake ran out the door
His missus had made a wild swing
And tore off her wedding ring
Whilst she was searching the floor
Jake ran out the door
As his wife made a desperate spring!
She fastened her teeth round Jakeās leg
She fastened her teeth round Jakeās leg
Oh how he did cry out and beg
His missus had made a wild swing
And tore off her wedding ring
āYou randy git I have warned you beforeā
Swannie, Iāll clobber you if donāt pay attention! 
She fastened her teeth round Jakeās leg
Oh how he did cry out and beg
So he sat on her head
She fastened her teeth round Jakeās leg
Oh how he did cry out and beg
So he sat on her head
Until he thought she was dead
She fastened her teeth round Jakeās leg
Oh how he did cry out and beg
So he sat on her head
Until he thought she was dead
Then on her nose clamped a wooden clothes peg.
In horror Gertie gasped and looked on
In horror Gertie gasped and looked on
As the life in his missus was gone
In horror Gertie gasped and looked on
As the life in his missus was gone
All this for a roll in his tent
In horror Gertie gasped and looked on
As the life in his missus was gone
All this for a roll in his tent
But he thought āTime well spentā
In horror Gertie gasped and looked on
As the life in his missus was gone
All this for a roll in his tent
But he thought āTime well spentā
And their night of passion went on!
There was an old man from Fleet
There was an old man from Fleet
Who had a habit of wandering the street
There was an old man from Fleet
Who had a habit of wandering the street
When he went into town
[quote=āBarry, post: 1919256ā]
There was an old man from Fleet
Who had a habit of wandering the street
When he went into town
Some townsfolk began to frown
There was an old man from Fleet
Who had a habit of wandering the street
When he went into town
Some townsfolk began to frown
At the aroma that came from his feet.
Though dishevelled, his manner was kind
Though dishevelled, his manner was kind
He liked to joke and had a lively mind.
Though dishevelled, his manner was kind
He liked to joke and had a lively mind
Then one day, while munching a roll
Though dishevelled, his manner was kind
He liked to joke and had a lively mind
Then one day, while munching a roll
Of his tooth he discovered a hole
Though dishevelled, his manner was kind
He liked to joke and had a lively mind
Then one day, while munching a roll
Of his tooth he discovered a hole
And found his teeth couldnāt grind.
A dentist would cost too much dosh