Limericks. (New)

Maud decided to colour her hair
But she wasn’t to bright to be fair
So she chose a vivid red
Hoping to entice Fred

Maud decided to colour her hair
But she wasn’t to bright to be fair
So she chose a vivid red
Hoping to entice Fred
But Fred said “I really don’t care”

Poor old maud really got so upset

Poor old maud really got so upset
Fred spurned her, much to her regret

Poor old maud really got so upset
Fred spurned her, much to her regret
But with the success of her hair

Poor old maud really got so upset
Fred spurned her, much to her regret
But with the success of her hair
Maud then looked elsewhere

Poor old maud really got so upset
Fred spurned her, much to her regret
But with the success of her hair
Maud then looked elsewhere
Poor Fred then broke into a sweat

But maud thought I’ve now had enough

But maud thought I’ve now had enough
Fred disnae ken I’m a guid bit o’ stuff

But maud thought I’ve now had enough
Fred disnae ken I’m a guid bit o’ stuff
He’ll soon rue the day

But maud thought I’ve now had enough
Fred disnae ken I’m a guid bit o’ stuff
He’ll soon rue the day
“I’ll make the bugger pay”

But maud thought I’ve now had enough
Fred disnae ken I’m a guid bit o’ stuff
He’ll soon rue the day
“I’ll make the bugger pay”
He’ll not have another bit of fluff!

Poor Fred was so quiet and shy

Poor Fred was so quiet and shy
He spent hours gazing at the sky

Poor Fred was so quiet and shy
He spent hours gazing at the sky
And dreamt of a time he would find a mate

Poor Fred was so quiet and shy
He spent hours gazing at the sky
And dreamt of a time he would find a mate
Scared to even have a first date

Poor Fred was so quiet and shy
He spent hours gazing at the sky
And dreamt of a time he would find a mate
Scared to even have a first date
Then a young lady passed by

“My name is Ethel, what’s yours?” She said

My name is Ethel, what’s yours?" She said
Taken aback, he just muttered “Fred”

Oops! Too late EZ

My name is Ethel, what’s yours?" She said
Taken aback, he just muttered “Fred”
She sure was a beauty

My name is Ethel, what’s yours?" She said
Taken aback, he just muttered “Fred”
She sure was a beauty
And a little bit fruity

My name is Ethel, what’s yours?" She said
Taken aback, he just muttered “Fred”
She sure was a beauty
And a little bit fruity
But Fred panicked and just fled.

“Why do I do this” he thought

Why do I do this" he thought
Am I scared of getting caught?