Limericks. (New)

Cycling’s a good way to keep fit
Twice a day’s fun, but that’s it
It’s hard on the knees

Cycling’s a good way to keep fit
Twice a day’s fun, but that’s it
It’s hard on the knees
While you’re swallowing bees

Cycling’s a good way to keep fit
Twice a day’s fun, but that’s it
It’s hard on the knees
While you’re swallowing bees
And you’re togged in the Lycra kit.

While spending an hour at the gym

While spending an hour at the gym
In a feeble attempt to get slim

While spending an hour at the gym
In a feeble attempt to get slim
I cycle like hell

While spending an hour at the gym
In a feeble attempt to get slim
I cycle like hell
On a bike with no bell

While spending an hour at the gym
In a feeble attempt to get slim
I cycle like hell
On a bike with no bell
Then stop when I feel a bit grim

All these workouts are taking there toll

All these workouts are taking there toll
As bad as being down the pit, digging for coal

All these workouts are taking there toll
As bad as being down the pit, digging for coal
My back don’t 'arf ache

All these workouts are taking there toll
As bad as being down the pit, digging coal
My back don’t 'arf ache
I’m stiff when I wake

All these workouts are taking there toll
As bad as being down the pit, digging coal
My back don’t 'arf ache
I’m stiff when I wake
Perhaps I should stick to a gentle stroll.

I had Scampi for me tea tonight

I had Scampi for me tea tonight
Two of them were so hard to bite

I had Scampi for me tea tonight
Two of them were so hard to bite
Then out dropped a bone

… error …

I had Scampi for me tea last night
Two of them were so hard to bite
Then out dropped a bone
And boy did I moan!

I had Scampi for me tea last night
Two of them were so hard to bite
Then out dropped a bone
And boy did I moan
''Cos my dentures weren’t in very tight !

Two old mariners went out to sea

Two old mariners went out to sea
Said one “l could do with a pee”

Two old mariners went out to sea
Said one “I could do with a pee”
So over the side

Two old mariners went out to sea
Said one “I could do with a pee”
So over the side
Will do he cried

Two old mariners went out to sea
Said on “I could do with a pee”
So over the side
“Will do” he cried
And so began the long weeeeeeeeeeeee.

“That took a while” yelled first mate