How about “Breathless at Tiffany’s” or “Close Encounters of the turd kind”
…which brings me that VERY well-known 70’s film about bowel movements…“Every Which Way but Loose” is the title that’ll exite geriatric strainers-especially as an ‘impromptu performance’ is a thing most with be familiar with…
That wouldn’t be Hairy Mary from Tipperary would it Spitty, I knew her well, oh what a gal!
“Close encounters of the turd kind” Is that what happens to the players in a crap game Pug?
Spitty, I can’t recall that one, could you hum it for me?
and the punk group encore encore could be RJ and the leisurely dribbles!
and then those evergreen classics"
I left my heart in san frans bedroom
zimmer; zimmer’ zimmer I’ve been framed
Whoo I’ve got the hippy hippy platinum joints
on a day like today we all just passed away writing love letters gurgle gurgle gurgle {bring the effing stretchers!}
good night ice scream ice scream
One five nine o’clock look up her frock
RJ threw a party for the county frail?
“On a day like today, we all just passed away” 
love that Gumbud.
I have a sneaky suspicion something is being planned behind me back for this years Christmas and it ain’t no Panto.
Two of the wife’s widowed sisters are visiting more frequently than usual, nearly everyday now since last Monday, the three sisters congregate in the kitchen for so called coffee mornings, cool red coffee in crystal glasses poured from dark bottles. Whispers whisp through the kitchen door every time the dog pushes his way in and out, as small dogs will, and by careful analyses of the whisps I have pieced together a vision of a four day Christmas break in the Gleneagles Hotel in Killarney.
I happen to know that Phyllis will be free this year, no cooking dinners for the whole family as per usual, I would love to go off with her for the holiday but why all the hush hush? She knows I hate surprises. Could it be, and God forbid, that she plans to take the two merry widows with us? I brace meself fearing the worst and hoping for the best. She’ll have to book quickly and that’s when I’ll know for sure as she’ll be putting the hammer on me for the dosh.;-)
Three women for four days! ’tis a strong man you’d be wanting for that. But if it’s to be it’ll be I’ll just have to grin and bear it, not like me to spoil things for the three darlin sisters, if only they wouldn’t natter so much when they get together, you have to chisel your way into the conversation.
I pitied John Wayne in the Quiet Man, I’m a quiet man meself, and Maureen O’Hara with her stage Irish.
Oh begosh and begorrah, I’m thinking there might be an auld oirish song comin to me now to be sure to be sure, “Ah sure it’s Christmas in Killarney and the little people dance all day, the shamrocks stickin out me arse and the wife is nattering away…"
http://i736.photobucket.com/albums/xx4/jemflux/weird-Vintage-photos-kid-smoking-chicken.jpg
I unearthed this rare childhood photo of Uncle Dave, it was taken when he was four back on the farm in Ballyfaroff. Note the determination on his little face, here is a boy who’s going places. He displayed great survival skills from an early age on his Dad’s poultry farm, from choking chickens to swallowing raw eggs, he’s posing here for the Donegal Herald newspapers “Boy of the Year” awards back in 1881, his award was a prize Rooster, a bottle of whiskey, and 100 cigarettes, by the time Dave was 7 he was chasing girls, playing poker, and pulling corks out of whiskey bottles with his teeth, yes folks those were the days when boys were men afore their time.
I’m obliged to add, if you want to die healthy don’t smoke.
I remember back in the 1950’s Clarke’s shoes had an ad in the cinema for boys shoes, it went “Clarkes shoes for Boys, as tough as the Boys that wear them” I wonder would that be allowed today, or would it be seen as encouraging boys to be bowseys.
Wasn’t it Clarke’s whom had that foot measuring machine, in which you had to have faith your Ped would not be crushed, in the machine, the Compass in the heel made the risk worthwhile.
talking of feet - I had a grandfather once - well I had more than one grandfather but only had them both once if you get me meaning - any old ow - he was seven feet tall - used to sleep with his feet in the kitchen and head in the hall - or was that me aunt long tall sally - she was often heard exclaiming - “here’s poppa coming better duck back in the alley - oh baby!”
then there was another aunt who used to sing "christmas is comin the goose is getting fat - betta put a penny in the old man’s hat. we often had a goose hangin for xmas but I never noticed it getting fatter and ya wouldna get moi putting any penny in an old mans hat - I’ve pinched a few out of em.
your so vain - I bet you thought this song was about you don’t you ; don’t you?
isn’t this the time when we visit the three managers in a stable and look at the baby three wise men or is that another show?
and I always thought twinkle twinkle little star was an up and coming gay performer meself - no not meself - himself!
Can I be first to wish the fellow “Scribblers” a Merry Christmas and a Preposterous New Year.
that certainly is preposterous and a merry one to you sir with bells on!
And a very happy Christmas to you and yours Spitty, and to the rest of you fine lads and lassies, may your nibs never run short of ink.
You are bang on there Spitty, “The Clark’s Foot Gauge” for comfortable fitting.
Tough hard wearing shoes and proper fitting in those days, look at what they charge the youngsters for shoes today and they don’t last a month. I think we are all being forced into accepting shoddy work (no pun intended) as the norm and paying top price for it, the disposable shoe is on the way, wear them for three weeks then just throw them away, as if we hadn’t enough junk piling up on the planet, come the next generation and they won’t even know what real leather was. I wonder what Mr. Hobson would think of todays shoes.
Then you had the bankrupt Italian chiropodist who wouldn’t accept de feet.
Well it’s confirmed, We’ll be off to Killarney on the 23rd.
“With me shillelagh under me arm and a twinkle in me eye, I’ll be off to dear old Killarney in the morning…” as the old song goes. Aw shucks! that’s the wrong song, should be off to Connemara in the morning, but what matter, the west coast always has the same friendly people all year round.
These charity ads on TV are driving me bonkers, it’s as if they were having a Christmas “Black Friday” Give £10 a month to our charity, give £5 a month to ours, ours is only £3 per month etc., I even saw one saying give £19 now!, how they arrived at £19 quid I don’t know, probably hoping the donors will make it the even £20, it’s the old £19.99 selling trick again, and we keep falling for it.
There once was a Christmas Gnome
Ran away from a charity home
When having a banta, over a pint with Santa
He touched him for a £50 loan.
On top of the tree sits a Fairy
Who’s legs were all green and hairy
He knew how to behave, with a Philishave
Now he’s clean and gone off to meet Mary, from Tipperary.
Here’s one way for a miserly parent to con the kids out of christmas, I call it ’Santa is Dead’
Santa Claus was a hairy old man
His eyes watered and his big nose ran
His hands are as cold as Siberia
And his beard is laced with bacteria
With bottles of stout all along his way
It’s illegal to drive, especially a sleigh.
He had no Son to take his place
And Health and Safety put an end to his race
The local council all had a meeting
All the new houses would have central heating
So children don’t take it so grimly
He just can’t get in when there isn’t a chimney!
oh my goodness Jem well after all of that I hope you don’t meet santa over xmas or meet a hairy fairy - enjoy Killarney - I’ve heard of killing kenny but never killing Arney?
stilll tipping an airy fairy would be fun !
Oh,Jem knows he can’t kill Arnie.
That famous quote “Aisle be beck”,delivered ‘basso profundo’-impressive,huh?
For moi,his best film was The Final Stand,when he was sheriff of a quiet backwater little nothing town…and his day off got ruined by some nasties wanting to reach Mekeeko - but even that pales into nothing,compared with Jem’s “Christmas at the Church of Sloes”…go gettem,Jemstone!
“With me shillelagh under me arm and a twinkle in me eye,
is that what de call it in Oirland - shillelagh - well ya boasting again Jem lad unless all that sitting at the grinding machine as given you more grunt and a very long shillelagh.
did ya hear the tale of the young lad who when he peed he sprinkled it everywhere like a punctured hose-pipe - so off to the doctor to look at the offending tool! who then said :hang on a mo I have to call an old friend of mine" in comes the friend and the doctor said " can you show him how to hold that he’s peeing all over the place. so sure enough he showed him how to hold in with all fingers in certain positions - and be sure to be sure he peed straight.
I young man exclaimed this man is a magician he has cured me.
well not exactly said the doctor he’s a clarinet player in our local band and he has shown you how to hold it correctly!
jer get et ; jer get et???
I get it I get it, incidentally, what’s the best way to Oldham?
I remember that rhyme “Christmas is coming and the goose is getting fat, please put a penny in the old mans hat, if you haven’t got a penny a hapenny will do, if you haven’t got a hapenny, God bless you”
Actually geographically speaking Liverpool is the nearest city to Dublin, so I’d imagine there would be plenty of sharing of old sayings and stuff, for example, Dubliners will always say Book, never Buck, and Scuel for School. By the way have you still got your Liverpool accent or have you picked up the nasal twang of the Aussie?
How are yeh Pug, I think Arnie is a crap actor but everybody likes him, and like John Wayne popular actors always come out on top with the public in the end, it’s entertainment we want not that shakespearian shit. “I am an act-tor” just say Macbeth and they’ll cringe in terror “Never mention that Scottish play”
By the way have you still got your Liverpool accent or have you picked up the nasal twang of the Aussie?
I’ve always been able to do accents quite “well d’ya see boyo”
an if ya lookin for trouble Jimmy I’ll thrash ya wiv me bagpipes laddie!
I say I say old fellow no need for all that old belonney on here wot!
ah to be sure to be …oh forget it!
when I was a young teenager back in de Pool like 'r kid we use to walk behind de girls at night on the streets and shout " heh der girl" and when de shouted back “Wa” we use to shout back " d’ya wanna fella?"
mind you I could never mimic Ken Dodd - could never get de teeth right ya know la!
I’ve always been able to do accents quite “well d’ya see boyo”
Ah ha!, maybe we have an act-tor in our midst?
I was never a fan of Ken Dodd talented and all as he is, Des O’Connor and Jimmy Tarbuck I liked.
An elderly, but hardy cattleman from Texas once told a young female neighbour that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal each morning. She did this religiously and lived to the age of 103. She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five great-great-grandchildren and a 40 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
That’s a good one Gumbud, I’ll be doing five minutes stand up at the old folks Christmas do in the local tomorrow, methinks it will go down very well, might even save me from being pelted with lumps of xmas pudding like last year. I’ll lead up to it by telling the one about the nun and the exploding cigar, all nice and clean as the parish priest will be there.:shock:
Does anyone remember those little cap things you could buy to put into the cigarettes to make them explode? All harmless fun, Christ if you tried that today you’d have the book thrown at you.