hello maryellen and a goodnight to you too!! xx
yes I forgot to sign; seal and delivery it didn’t I!
Ok,musclemouth-you have the trumpet, now play the tune.
YOU get the new intake’s primary thesis on neutron imbalance when subjected to curvature gravitational redirection under photon-beam densities ready for delivery to the new intake,plus sort out their first individual research projects,big fella. It all has to be ready by next Thursday for the first lecture-ok Toots? Y’got the gob-now do the job.
What? Y’say you’re too busy making expresso?
Blimey-I bet your therapist has therapy, after a session with you. Oh-plus you have no friends,so MUHH!
well erhmm - if there was ever a case for a real standup demo of neutron imbalance when subjected to curvature gravitational redirection under photon-beam densities it’s gotta by you - do you do some tommy cooper tricks as well and the occasional Norman Wisdom joke?
I hear you’re listed as the weakly standup comic? - you could take ya guitar in and give the staff a quick rendering of ‘stairway to heaven’ and of course the classic Tommy Steele ‘singin the blues’ cos that’s all ya seem to do these days?
for a guy who STILL doesn’t know how to post a you tube on here you take the can! lurv ya toots - oh and could I have my imitation paste necklace and earings back soon - you’ve had them for 6mths - yes I know they glitter and look real but NOT whilst ya lecturing please! 
Picture this…
The milky weak sun struggling to rise and disperse the morning mist
A clearing in the woods
Absolute silence
2 men locked in a never-ending spat
Each one a colossus in his sphere of influence
Both men intensely articulate
Both men looked in verbal conflict, spanning the oceans
It’s a duel you are after is it boyos ?
take
10 paces in opposite directions
Choose weapons
Consonants or Vowels?
Play nicely chums
BTW, which is it Pugsy EX or ES?
Oh well spotted RJ - the Pugs is totally confused with his ex and es - - it’s simple really he’s the one with a lisp! when he says ‘espresso’ he’s trying to say ‘expresso’ but not EXPRESSING’ himself very well?
oh no RJ you misunderstandeth - we iz the besteth of friendy pies - long termio chummies - we’z do loveth each other with shared powder puffs and chinzy lace underwears!
this is a show we put on for the minions and millions and minors too - we are in fact gummy and pugsie - the four legged bear - we take turns at the head! - cos otherwise the rear end may suffoficate!
Stories from the Ozzie bush - Part 1
When I first arrived in the mighty Kimberley I was introduced to Helmet Shimidt the hermit! – Helmet had escaped the nazi hordes with his family and came in OZ either before the war started or at the end –not sure.
Suffice to say he settled into life in OZ separating from his wife and kids, and heading up to the wild Kimberley where I first met him. He lived in a two storey self built abode within 30 feet of the Fitzroy river bank and purchased a dinghy and became a successful barramundi fisherman, supplying all and sundry including the local police.
He must have originally lived in a tent or his car and then started building his two storey essentially out of cement and beer cans I heard. He had large 200 litre gas cyclinders for his cooking needs and battery operated TV set.
The local council, disapproved of Helmet and tried to dislodge him a few times but Hermit being a canny sly fox had built within the 30 feet limit between the river and land which was designated ‘crown’ land as opposed to ‘state land’ and therefore the local council couldn’t touch him and the commonwealth weren’t really interested.
Part two - in which the king tide arrrives and swamps Helmet and his chickens! - to be contd
Oh,ffs!
The derision was at thickybud’s attempt to pronounce AND spell ESpresso as Expresso. Personally,one is fully acquainted with Espresso,it’s origins,it’s variations,it’s flavours,it’s sustenance capabilities and shortfalls…and NONE of this gives one ANY desire to hear about gumbud,naked in a wood by the river,frantically buffiing-up his Helmut!
YUK!
Right,must go…one has INTELLIGENT people with whom one must converse.
The new Baby
My Mother used to take me down to the banks of the river Thames, during the Summer months. She would make a picnic, and bake shortbread for me.
The boats would sail by, the Eton rowing club would be practising, and it was peaceful. I used to take my dolls, and my Tea set, and play quite happily.
This particular Summer, I was only five going on six, she told me that we were going to have a new baby. Well I thought, you cannot have an old one. She said the baby might arrive for my Birthday at the end of September. I told her that I would much rather have a bike.
When we arrived back home, I told my cat, He was sat in my dolls pram, wearing one of my dolls bonnets. He shot off down the long garden, chased by my spaniel Bronco, over the fence, into the big school playing field, then into the bushes, still wearing my dolls bonnet.
When we returned to school, I told my friend Michael that my Mum was going to have a baby. He said his Aunty had many, explaining that the tummy gets so big, it suddenly pops! The baby inside then crawls out.
I knew he was wrong, I had seen Dumbo. I just hoped that the new baby didn’t have big ears.
Very nice tales there Sweetie and Gummy, nice to read something pleasant when one signs in.
Now a little light hearted gripe.
Knobs.
According to my son who services computers for a living, I can get my three machines to ‘talk’ to each other. Why would I want them to do that I asked him, because you can then take stuff off one and put it on another without running upstairs or out to the shed or putting it on memory sticks and generally messing about, says he.
Now I’m not the least bit technically minded, plus I don’t mind getting up offa me arse and walking from one part of the house to another, besides the exercise is good for me circulation.
That’s what’s wrong with folks today and the reason everyones getting fat…laziness, it’s that simple.
God be with the days when we had good old fashioned knobs on everything, pull down a knob on a string and the light went on, turn a knob on the TV and it went on or off, knobs on doors that you turned and the door opened, knobs on chests of drawers that you had to pull out, wardrobes and every other bit of furniture you had, unscrew a brass knob from your bed post and stick the few bob you are saving for the holidays in there, handy to get at if you hadn’t enough to pay the rent man, no slogging off to the bank and joining the Q to fill in a form to get it back out.
Now we all just sit in an armchair pressing buttons and the muscles in our bodies drying up from lack of use, our eyes going lampy from staring at screens, and our blood pressure shooting up from anger at what we see going on in the world.
Everybody now wants to see the doctor wondering what the hell is wrong with them, laziness and lack of exercise account for a lot of it in my opinion.
Surely this is not what our ancestors fought and died for? A world full of fat lazy slobs.
I say bring back knobs (and a few levers) before it’s too late.
Next week my little talk will be about ‘Levers”, how important they were to the hangmen and the railways, where in a signal box two brothers pulled levers on day and night shifts keeping our trains on the straight and narrow, known as the Lever brothers they invented ‘Sunlight Soap” in their spare time and became very wealthy. ;-)
Oh, I am all for knobs Jem. It is true though, without remote controls, most things don’t work. But I rush around just thinking about things anyway. My car is opened by a remote control key, the engine starts with a button, the computer in my car takes over, puts the wipers on if it rains, connects to our phones, it has a mind of its own at times. The stupid voice kicks in and frightens me. The future is dictated.
well I would say with the exception [or how pugsie would say it esception] of SP we have a right lot of knobs on here don’t we - and who is the biggest knob of all?
post you answers in the swear box please!
NB: ah come on Jem - throw a dog an bone and he’ll attempt to catch it and return it surely?
Would that be a physical Knob, or a metaphorical knob Gummy?
I closed my eyes, drew back the curtain
To see for certain what I thought I knew
Far far away, someone was weeping
But the world was sleeping
Any knob will do
I wore my coat, with golden lining
Bright colours shining, wonderful and new
And in the east, the dawn was breaking
And the world was waking
Any knob will do
ah! an interesting point you bring :
. “Spittie, you’re going to find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view.” / “The truth is often what we make of it; you read what you wanted read, believed what you wanted to believe.”