On the 17th day before xmas my true love said to me
Where is the duck it will need a pluck and I’ll need a feather
To tickle my old fella – only eight more!!! Days
Seven if ya Kevin; six if ya Trix; Five if ya Clive; four gentle farts
Three quick pees; two with you know who ; and a fairy up a fake tree!
Thought you guys might like this.
https://i.pinimg.com/736x/d4/39/dd/d439ddf324aedd34a09df1a984f1beb9--minions-minions-funny-minion.jpg
I’ve just been informed my job playing a panto horse is to be changed…
…I think I’ll quit while I’m still a head…
Thanks for the laughs lads and lassie.
Now for something a little more solemn, seeing the time that’s in it.
I am not a holy man but I always glance through me bible around this time of year, reflect and say a few prayers for departed family and friends I have listed therein.
I always found the bible to be a great historical record of the times that were in it.
I noticed for the first time in the genealogy of Jesus a chap called ‘Booz’ and naturally I was interested. I seems Booz begat Obed of Ruth and Booz was the son of Solomon, but hard as I looked I couldn’t find anything about Booz on the internet, maybe he went on the booze permanently, died and was poured into his sarcophagus, then evaporated bones and all.
So I would be much obliged for any info on the mysterious Mr. Booz.
Believe it or not but below is only the start of the begatting, it’s far too long to put the lot in.
I must give credit where it’s due, the lads who traced Jesus’s family roots did a far better job than the FBI, CIA, MI5, and ‘Ancestry’ put together, and all in stone too. 
“Abraham begat Isaac; and Isaac begat Jacob; and Jacob begat Judas and his brethren; 3And Judas begat Phares and Zara of Thamar; and Phares begat Esrom; and Esrom begat Aram; 4And Aram begat Aminadab; and Aminadab begat Naasson; and Naasson begat Salmon; 5And Salmon begat Booz of Rachab; and Booz begat Obed of Ruth; and Obed begat Jesse; 6And Jesse begat David the king; and David the king begat Solomon of her that had been the wife of Urias; 7And Solomon begat Roboam; and Roboam begat Abia; and Abia begat Asa; 8And Asa begat Josaphat; and Josaphat begat Joram; and Joram begat Ozias; 9And Ozias begat Joatham; and Joatham begat Achaz; and Achaz begat Ezekias; 10And Ezekias begat Manasses; and Manasses begat Amon; and Amon begat Josias; 11And Josias begat Jechonias and his brethren, about the time they were carried away to Babylon”
And on it went.
And them that begat them were soon forgatton, but old man river he just keeps rolling along.
God I could have swore you said " I’ve just been informed my job playing a panto hose is to be changed…
…I think I’ll quit before I get to the head…!!!
thank you BOSS - yuz do have a kinky kind of humor but I do like it or is that a kinky kind of lurv???
well never mind all these begottens and begattins and begorrahs I think I have traced the source of the babies name in the manger and he must definitely be oirish - cos as he popped out in the manger - both Joe and Mary exclaimed at exactly the same time “beJesus it’s a boy” and the name has stuck ever since!
On the 18th day before xmas my true love said to me
Where is the xmas tree and all the sparkling lights
And we need a fairy to brighten up our lives at night
Only seven more days!!!
Six if ya trix; five if ya clive ;four gentle farts; three quick pees; two with you know who; and a partridge in a fake tree!!!
I’m back on stage this Christmas,playing rock guitar with my old band.
Our name?
“Missing Dog”…perhaps you’ve seen our posters???
On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, a jam doughnut and a cup of tea.
She was working nights in a cafe in town at the time and I got it for free. From then on I gingled her bells and she never sat under the apple tree with anyone else but me, we was in louvre.
I did notice a poster for a band Pug, it had slipped down the lampost and was all wet, obviously the dog wasn’t missing.;-)
Didn’t that geezer do the Lido Shuffle?
did you used to be “missing persons” back in the olden days??
I heard this on a tv show recently
He may have lost his memory the doctors are looking into it. I ddn’t realize we had achieved this in our life time – we can test memory and measure it too and enjoy it at times but “looking into it” you’d need to be a mind reader surely?? And perhaps a large magnifying glass. We can’t even look into the future fgs
Tis a worry.[CENTER][/CENTER]
“Looking into it” seem to be the buzz words now Gummy.
I asked the grandson what was he going to study in college “I was thinking about engineering but I haven’t made up my mind yet, I’m looking into to it at the moment” The other fella is 17 and was “Looking into” getting a motor bike much to the horror of his mother.
I was up in the library the other day and I asked the nice girl behind the desk could she find me a copy of the book “Pat on the Back”, the biography of jockey Pat Eddery, she said she was very busy but as soon as she got a free minute she would “Look into it” for me.
On the space front there is no new news on the latest black hole, when asked, a spokesman for NASA said they are still “Looking into it”
Anything else you want looking into?
In the meantime…
I’m looking over a four-leaf clover
I overlooked before
One leaf is sunshine, the second is rain
Third is the roses that grow in the lane
No need explaining, the one remaining
Is somebody I adore
I’m looking over a four-leaf clover
I overlooked before
Songwriters: Mort Dixon / Harry Woods
Perhaps they are looking for marbles. I have often heard the expression, you’ve lost you marbles, when referring to the vagaries of my mind.
I’m not sure how big these marbles are supposed to be. As big as the Elgin marbles perhaps. Although that means the 'uman 'ead would have to be bigger within than without. That of course is not beyond the realms of possibility but I’m not sure how you get them in in the first place. Through the ears, the nose, or perhaps they just grow and calcify like kidney or tonsil stones, neither of which are a barrel of larfs.
Are they made of glass then, or stone, or gristle, or bone. The latter sounds most likely as I’ve often heard of people being called bone headed, although hat may just refer to the outer protection for the brainium.
Answers please on a postcard.
I’m ‘looking into’ sink-holes,atm…
Well,it’s either that,ot the ‘£15 billion railway’ the govt is so proud of has taken a wrong turn whilst tunnelling…it may be the Pride of London to this POXY govt - but it’s one HELL of a lot of dosh to spend just to ensure a commuter can get from Romford to London Bridge 20 minutes quicker!
ESPECIALLY when one considers the very first thing that’ll happen once it opens,is that ASLEF,TfL and Unite’ll bring all the drivers out on strike!
[because that’s the way to gain popularity,y’see…]
I believe the neurologists refer to the little sphere shaped nerve controllers in the brain as ‘Marbles’ Fruity, well so a brain surgeon from Kerry was telling me in the pub the other night, and who am I to argue with him.
He explained it to me in layman terms, he said there are six of them (marbles), if one or two stop functioning, or are ‘Lost’ you can carry on more or less as normal, three or four and your in trouble, but if you lose all your marbles your well and truly fecked up, no coming back, the body is out of control because the ‘Controllers’ are all knackered.:-)
An expensive navigational error Pug, reminded me of Wrong Way Corrigan, only this chap was not tunneling, he was flying up in the heavens.
Douglas Corrigan*(January 22, 1907 – December 9, 1995) was an American aviator born innGalveston, Texas. He was nicknamed “Wrong Way” in 1938. After a transcontinental flight from Long Beach, California, to New York City, he flew from Floyd Bennett Field in Brooklyn, New York, to Ireland, though his flight plan was filed to return to Long Beach. He claimed his unauthorized flight was due to a navigational error, caused by heavy cloud cover that obscured landmarks and low-light conditions, causing him to misread his compass. However, he was a skilled aircraft mechanic (he was one of the builders of Charles Lindbergh’s Spirit of St. Louis) and had made several modifications to his own plane, preparing it for his transatlantic flight. He had been denied permission to make a nonstop flight from New York to Ireland, and his “navigational error” was seen as deliberate. Nevertheless, he never publicly admitted to having flown to Ireland intentionally.wiki.