On the 19th day before xmas my true love said to me
Where is the tipple for me to wet my whistle
And we need some mistletoe to make the vicars dangle grow
Only six more days!!!
Five I think I’ve got the hives; fourrrrrrrr! Gentle farts; three quick pees; two with you know who and
I’ve tried the mistletoe with you know who!!!
here’s another one I HAVE given it some thought! the transfer of thought is a miracle of science that I do not think has been achieved as yet.
I have been trying to give thoughts to others for many years - it started in my teens when I was out walkin with young Jenny - I kept trying to give her very suggestive thoughts every time we went walkin down the country lanes but alas it never worked and when I tried to whisper them in her left ear she just giggled and said it tickled.
since being married I have continued trying to give thoughts to my dear wif and I am sure you gentlemen here will understand how difficult it is to give thoughts to ya wif. they just seem to have a separate mind of their own. If I catch her in the right mood she sometimes responds to my ‘spoken out loud thoughts’ but I do have to get all gentle and romantic and promise to buy her things - such a drag!!
and I do recall in the bible old JC saying " you will be able to perform greater miracles than I [he was always grammatically correct] but he didn’t leave the bloody blue print otherwise Jenny could have been my wif now!!!
ah well back to the drawing board to give it more thought
please send back the urn and ashes urgently before I throw me pads at ya!
[CENTER]Female Bishoprics[/CENTER]
a London friend has just reminded me that the first female Bishopric of London has been appointed AND anointed also I assume. I merely commented that I’d hope she was celibate upon which he replied she is not catholic!
catholic or not I find the thought of a female bishopric threshing about in the haybarn no doubt with her hubbie or partner [male or female] a bit overwhelming. And that’s why I’d hoped she would be celibate - after all once you are that close to the Christ is it appropriate to be going off for a bit of nuckie from time to time?
Varied thoughts are welcome!
My DEAR gumbud; are you REALLY so unfamiliar with that veritable festive sex-fest that begins…
“Cum,all ye faithful,joyful & triumphant”…???
Gummy & Puggy. what a load of bollocks you do come up with when you’re up late drinking black currant wine (home made).
Why not seek to be inspired by that giant of philosophy, our Jem.
Or the wonder of words , El Spitola.
NOTE TO SELF
Bobby, don’t post in the early hours, really, not.
Who is Bishop Rick? or Bish O’Prick? otherwise good posts pf late .laddie
Puggy, I appreciate your latest posts, just as perceptive and thought provoking as usual, but delivered in a welcome brief & succinct style
Well done good & faithful savant (KJV)
I BEG YOUR PARDON?? me thinks our robbie of the roberto kind or as that great comedian of the past frankie howard would say “ro berto ro berto come here and tell me what you are snivelling about " “do you duth mock me laddie?” come come to uncle frankie and tell all and put that empty wine bottle down” :-p
That’s temptation for ya Gumbsy, and just for the record, One should only “Thresh” in a Threshing Barn, and, not in pursuance of personal gratification, but, to separate the Wheat from the Chaff, for the greater good off all.
Amen.
Gums, what would you do if you sauntered into a Barn, of any designation, and found yourself surrounded by “Pussy Galore”?
I would turn around to spittie me mate and say " you go first"!!!
My only excuse for that uncharacteristic piece of mildly vile prose is that I am in 24/7 agony from SHINGLES now the 4th day oy a month or three to go…soz to all:blush:
Female or feral.?
Having recently visited Kerry I am sure your expert is correct in his medical explanation.
By that reckoning I am missing a couple of marbles, R Mar is missing about four, and most politicians have not only lost the lot, but also the gelatinous mass that holds them in place.
… or domesticated. 
I have been trying for years to suggest things by thought transference. Currently I am working on our Ellie, but she are a boxer dog of the stupid pedigree and fails to heed spoken commands with spectacular regularity, so I hold out little hope of her reacting to my thoughts.
If I tell her to stay, she will do so, until I stop telling her to stay, at which point she wanders off to smell her own thing, and quite possibly something or someone else’s.
As for trying it on young ladies, I think it is sometimes just as well it doesn’t work lest their fathers hear said suggestions. Even more so if their father owns a scattergun.
Luckily the young lady of whom I was the object of her affections father didn’t own such a piece of ordnance, not that I suggested any impure thoughts in her direction you understand. Well not until she were sixteen anyway, and it took over two years before even they started to work, and then only on a minor level.
Actuarily, it could be very dangerous if thoughts could be transferred to another personage. Suppose they went to the wrong person, and they reacted. A reaction in the negative followed by a kick in the gonads would be bad enough, but suppose a different lady of whom you were not enamoured responded in the affirmative.
Suppose it was the mother-in-law. :shock:
I think I will stick to trying it out on the dog. If my command to sit and belt up works on a different dog, no harm will come of it. If it works on Ellie, all the better.
I’m all for having female bishops, and while we’re at it why not go the whole hog and have a female pope, there was one before, Pope Joan in the middle ages, and a lot of popes got married and had kids too, look it up. As I’m always saying, nothing is new, everything happened before, we just keep going round in circles same as fashion and the planet we live on, it’s natural.
When I served 4 years as an altar boy I could have done with the company of an altar girl, but they weren’t allowed, boys + girls = sin, that was the equation. I had plenty of female cousins as a child but the most frequent visitors to our house only lived a few doors down from us, one was always sick and the other was a dominating fat cow.
A lot of the old civilisations had priestesses and my guess is they were all celibate, women are not really interested in sex, well they weren’t when I was young, and if they were they certainly didn’t tell you, how could any fella be that lucky to find a girl who loved sex, no, power is their thing, they did everything they could to avoid sex as far as I knew.
I remember as a lad in confession asking the priest was it a sin to put your hand on a girls bum “Of course it is laddie, sure if it wasn’t we’d all be doing it” 
“I’ll tell me Ma when I go home,
The boys won’t leave the girls alone.
They’ll pull my hair, they stole my comb,
Well that’s alright till I go home”
I’m off now for my annual drink with my best mate Wally, our friendship goes back to our apprenticeship days together, Wally is quite a character and I’ll tell you a few true tales about him sometime, tales that you’ll never believe.
Plenty of meat on the posting bone to chew on later.
I hope you get some relief from the pain RJ, take care.
I blame God meself whoever he/she or what may be? if men had not been equipped with heat seeking weapons of mass destruction and women with heat attracting/docking [nearly typed a ‘c’ then instead of a ‘d’] weapons of mass destruction all would be well - well…?? the world would not be over populated for one - there would be no wars [I have a theory that men go to war only to protect their female gains!] ; there would be no pain from child-birth ; no run away fathers; no kindergartens needed; no humendous range of baby ware - no maternity hospitals ; NO midwives ; no expensive marriages [possibly] etc etc I think the Vikings had it worked out the best - aggressive; strong meat eating thugs with women to match and if the kids survived too bad!
yes designing interlocking pieces was basically a stupid design and if God ever did say “let us create man in our image…?” then the original blueprint and future plan was floored. I think many of the aliens depicted on captain kirks travels were much better designs??? merry wotnot!!!
having had two attacks in 40 yrs I sympathize the only real relief is to get some good quality heroin to sooth the pain! plenty of that where you live Robbo??:hug:
On the 20th day before xmas my true love said to me
I think we’re running out of time; we need more rosemary and thyme
And hic this port doeth turn me blind
Only five more days!!!
Four gentle farts; three quick pees; two with you know who and
And the vicar says he owes me two