On Forums, it is easy to habitually Expostulate, then, Disseminate.
nice one ducky - you may not get em all but ya sure can tell em all! did ya hear the one about the two gays who went to heaven when they got to the pearly gates [don’t know why they are pearly] St Michael greeting them with a " OK who came first?" and shameus and Mulhoonay looked at each other and started arguing!!
Revelations 21:21,gumbud.
Each gate-there are 12-is a single pearl…etc etc…
to cont: the street of the city was of pure gold, like transparent glass ??? Jem this is your expertise here surely - since when has pure gold been transparent ??? I have however come across non- transparent glass - the missus insists upon it when showering but I can still see the shadows!!
As a kid, I spent much time with Chronic Catarrh, it was unpleasant at the time, but, after medication, it led to a life of Great Expectoration.
That is true BTW.
yes spit it all out and clear the lungs and then you’ll become a dedicated spitfire!
Changing the trajectory of the conversation a mite…
I’ve been discussing with a chap I assist,various songs we mis-hear the lyrics to.
We’ve come up with several, some well-known, some lesser so.
My own list contains several you’ll know,as many people mis-quote them.
The film ‘Titanic’ is one such…I’ve never seen it [the film] and have no wish to…but WHY anyone would end a film by singing “I believe that the hotdogs go on” has often puzzled me…I presumed it had a deep meaning. it did-it meant Otex was an immediate requirement…
I very recently discovered,midst much hilarity aimed at moi, the true lyrics.
Have YOU got any to add, chaps? [and chappettes,natch]
Well my two gay friends were just that today, gay and happy again, they are well matched, even in names, Gerald Fitzmichael and Michael Fitzgerald.
There’s Red, Green, white, and yellow gold, but no transparent gold. Maybe that’s what fools gold is Gummy.
When Phyllis was a teenager she had acute catarrh, it was pink and she played it at parties.
Pug old boy, we used to have a fella who insisted he sang his party piece every Saturday night in the pub before the music stopped at closing time. “I wanna sing Farmer Jack, I wanna sing Farmer Jack!” When he finally gets up and grabs the mike he blurts out that old Ned Miller tune.
“Farmer Jack to a King, from looniness to a wedding ring, I played an Ace and I got a Queen, you made me King of your heart”
I know it’s not funny but you’d have to see the serious face on him to appreciate it.
Dance, then, wherever you may be,
I am the Lord of the Dance, said he,
And I’ll lead you all, wherever you may be,
And I’ll lead you all in the Dance, said he
Dance, then, wherever you may be,
I am the Lord of the Darn, Settee,
And I’ll lead you all, wherever you may be,
And I’ll lead you all in the Darn, Settee
and by way of intermission seeing as our laddie the toastmaster loyks his guiness
A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland, clears his voice, and says to the crowd of drinkers “I hear you Irish think you are a bunch of hard drinkers. I’ll bet $500 American dollars that no-one here can drink 10 pints of Guinness in 5 minutes.” The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan’s offer.
One man even leaves. Ten minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. “Is your bet still good?”, asks the Irishman.
The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all one after the other.
The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.
The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, “If ya don’t mind me askin’, where did you go for that 10 minutes you were gone?”.
The Irishman replies, “Oh…I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first”.
:lol That’s a good one Gummy, reminds me of my great uncle Davy, it’s said of him in the family that the Guinness went down his gullet quicker than it would go down the sink.
There was a time over here when you only had a choice of two Ales in the pubs, Smithwicks and Phoenix, Ale was never as popular as the black stuff, that would have been in the 60’s and early 70’s, then when we joined the common market there was a flood of foreign Lagers and Ales.
One fella in our local was a specialist in naming one brand from another by taste alone, he was a bit of a show off and one day the lads decided to catch him out, they told him to go into the jacks for ten minutes and when he came out they would have six pints of Ale lined up for him to name, he would be blind folded first. One of the lads wee’d into a glass and had the barman ‘top it up’.
When yerman tasted the first four he named them correctly, when he came to the fifth one he took a large gulp then spit it out quickly “Jaysus! that’s piss!” he shouts out disgustedly. “Yeah we know, but who’s?”
It must be the devil bit in me but I love to see know-alls getting their comeuppance.:-)
What’s this new trend they have of calling you by your first name in offices and shops when they don’t know you from Adam? The same thing when your on the phone. “Oh hello James, I’m Carol from Grotinghams and I’d like to interest you in our new range of grotty wear…blah blah blah.
I don’t know any Carol from Grotinghams, nor do I know any George from the gas company, or Helen from the ESB. I wouldn’t have the cheek to call someone by their first unless I knew them or they asked me to, I mean I wouldn’t mind if Carol was concerned about my health and welfare, she couldn’t give a damn if I was on me last legs, as long as I can say yes I’ll do.
God be with the days when they called you mister, at least you could keep your first name in reserve until you got to know them better, now they just fling it about like confetti at a wedding.
They are all at it, soon we’ll all be every Tom Dick and Harry, is this all part of a great conspiracy to cheapen our individuality?:shock:
Hi Jem I’m Gumbud - wanna fight??
Hi, I’m Spitty, wanna Flob?
I got this email earlier today.
“Hi Jimbo! I’m Burt from The American Elevator Company and I would like to draw your attention to a new product of ours, we call them Elevator Ladder Shoes, a Godsend for the smaller guys and Gals. Remotely controlled so no bending to adjust, they come in three colors, black, brown and grey, and they fit like conventional shoes, the secret is in the two metal bars attached to the legs, no complicated controls, just press the buttons numbered from 1 to 10 inches for elevation, the shoes stay on the ground but the feet are raised. Made of tempered light steel they fit comfortably inside the trouser legs so they can’t be seen.
Special discounts for one legged folks and friends of Snow White”:shock:
ideal at a race course for placing a bet?
I noticed RJ by his notable absence - you do all [4] realize that if any of us fall off the peg there will be no way of the rest knowing UNLESS you have instructed your nearest and dearest to notify OFF offically and leisurely scribbles in particular - well it would be nice to have a wake heh??
Well, I’m complacent, and if all is as it seems? I will be the one switching the light off.
All this responsibility, one hopes one can be circumspect.
It could be the first sign of the quadrangle, becoming sissified.