you calling me a sissie spittie - umpire please unfair play by the spitfire he’s circumnavigatin the rules!!
gums,m’main man;
Rules are made to be broken
and send important folk into a rage;
it makes them have fits
and gets on their tits
that,once we reach ‘that certain age’…
…there’s no threats that can really upset us,
no way they can make us abjure
our irreverent ways,
or the things wot we says,
coz aging’s a cert-there’s no cure.
Oh sure,we can slap on the fake tan,
and botox away our skin creases.
But if you do or you don’t do,
the one thing you won’t do,
is carry on,once this life ceases.
So SOD the rules somebody else made.
Sod too,the oppressive regime
of staying within boundaries set by warmongers and liars
I may not be nice-but I am as I seem.
Now,to some,mayhap I seem horrendous;
Others just wish I’d f#ck off.
But,I’ve done the odd ‘good deed’,
for people in dire need,
…and those people think I’m a toff.
It’s true I’m gruff,too direct & straightforward
and usually no good at punning;
this very day I realised I have no reflection…
…oh,shit! I must’ve left the mirror running!
in the light of recent news of Dali! don’t let them exhume you! you’re maturing very well!
Well said Pug!
While we’re all on a death rattle I may as well join in. I have to say I don’t mind getting old in the least, as a matter of fact I’m looking forward to going on to the next big adventure in the sky, see yeh all there sometime.
When?
When the time comes that wrinkles appear on your skin
And your belly can now longer be held in
It’s time to grab the bull by the horns
Wake up and attend to your corns
Look in the mirror and stick out your tongue
Let’s face it, you are no longer young.
When you can no longer walk the miles
And you have to slow down because of the piles
No more rally’s nor peace marches
You must think of your fallen arches
Take it easy on those few beers
You’ll need a steady hand plucking the hair from your ears
When you take longer to eat your breakfast cereal
It’s because you’re only graveyard material
Go easy on the sugar and only have one lump
It makes your spine bend and gives you a hump
You feel weak and envy the stronger
But never stop smiling, ‘cos you’ll live longer.
(Mars Barr)
You are right there Gummy, when one goes nobody will know whether it’s a huff or a snuff (hey that’s not bad, I just made it up) However I have left word with my son to send the good news into Scribbles when I pass away, he has the password, He’ll be 50 next year and who knows he might just join you here, he’s ten times worse that me, serves you all right anyway. Coming shortly “Jem 2”
Seriously though, yours is a good idea, there’s none of us getting any younger and I would miss you lot of mad monkeys, I would get drunk in your honour and pray St. Peter takes pity on yez and lets you all in through the back way, there’s always a back way, how do you think Audie Murphy always got away from all them Indians. 
Back to the grind RJ, your holidays are over.:-)
Spitty 2, heaven forbid.
once me arches and gums have fallen there won’t be more buds!
there was a young fairy from Aer
a cunni young lingus when bare
No no no - that’s not fair - fares please!
what about an early warning sign like:
-
me ticker has gone irregular and I’m goin in for a pacemaker if I don’t get back I’ll have gone tick tock?
-
Me waters have all turned black and somehow I don’t think I am producing me own guiness?
-
I’ve just lost all sensations in me body and me head has started spinning round?
-
I’ve just got double vision; me hearing has gone - wot did ya say ; bloody hell two Jems is too much ta ta??
I think waking up dead could be a fair clue regarding one’s condition,gumbud.
…mind you-the shock of doing so may kill those of weak disposition…
fezakerly!!
Let’s see if this will bring him runnin
There was an old fellow called Robert
who they said now lived as a Hobbit
he would roll down the hill; have one hell of a spill
and then shout for uncle vinneys ghost ’ Frobbit’
OR
there was a young fellow called ‘Junior’
who had walked all the floors in Empunia
he could sell you a smell then vanish like hell
and was known as flash harry as well?
OR
there was a young fellow Rjail
once sold walkin sticks to the frail
He would demonstrate how and simultaneously bow
his performance would bring out a wail!
OR
the ghost of old Robert
now walks all the halls
of emporiums large and emporiums small
he’s a stickler for smartness
bow ties and plus fours
yes the ghost of RJ can be heard as he snores!
whilst we are on this joyous subject it got me thinkin about the difficulty of writing your own obituary - spike found it easy - " I told you I wasn’t feeling well" what a joyous man!!
We would perhaps find it quite easy to write an obituary for our mother or father or other family members BUT try writing a heart felt one for yourself - no mean feat!
who’s first no no NO shoving - Jem your first - no Jem you can’t push Spittie to the front - all put ya hand up for Jem - NO not put ya hand up Jem!! - heh where has everyone gone???
That’s the trouble with a Forum
It often sprouts a Quorum
In which being new and valid
Can leave one notionally pallid
Is being dead when the heart stops
Or when the “Idea Bubble” pops?
Is it time to call a motion
Or call in Ivor Notion?
there seens to be a perennial problem with pasting youtubes here now so I off up the above link if you are interested - it is a song by probably the most famous Canadian folk singer called Stan Rogers [deceased] lovely guy and this song is about family and mateship enjoy!
it’s called I used to be a Pharisee!
In 79, at least they only 13 channels of shit, now there is 1013, that’s progress ain’t it.
Yes the shit is forever expanding.
Just like the Universe.
A very enjoyable song Gummy, yes that’s all you need really, friends and a good woman to feed you, thanks for putting it up.
I’ll have no problem with my epitaph, nothing fancy just squash the facts into the smallest space available, Spitty has that down to a fine art.;-)
Her lies Jem Mc Jem
Who liked a cigar now and then
He spent all his time in the Cock and Hen
Where he choked to death on a lump of Phlegm
It’s a fact that many publicans buried good customers back in the 1900’s, relations of folks with no insurance cover would approach their local innkeeper and he would oblige if the deceased was a long time regular, of course the funeral party would return to his premises and the aftermath went on for several days so he was more than compensated for his outlay.
Good customers were very seldom barred, their whole family would drink in the same pub, barring the father or head of the family would result in the lot of them moving to another public house, the families were big in those days and there was no shortage of pubs in the locality, competition was fierce.
I was once offered a “Transfer fee” of four figures to encourage my family and friends to move to a newly opened premises, but loyal old bugger that I am, I made my excuses and refused, of course I made sure the landlord got wind of this, he did, and we were treated like royalty ever after.
Things were fairer in those times, the relationship between publican and customer was more of a friendly business type of thing, the publican didn’t hold all the aces all the time like the new modern publicans do today, they are very select today and serve mostly meals and bottles of water, water! I ask yeh, what kind of a man goes into a pub for a bottle of water? well that’s the way it is today, one would feel ashamed to ask for a pint in some of these places they call pubs.
Is that a Wake up Call.
[CENTER]RJ[/CENTER]
I have just heard from RJ fortunately. He has been without a computer for a month due to his blowing up!
He is also dealing with a range of heath problems which seem to be long term and intractable so won’t be joining us for a while I do hope he will at least keep in touch with me He will I m sure be sadly missed.
If you wish me to pass any messages on please do not hesitate
Gumbud, please would you pass on my good wishes to RJ and let him know we are thinking of him. We miss his presence and wit here and hope he will be able to look in here when he is able.
Thank you