Leisurely Scribbles (part 5) (Part 1)

I was once run out of town by a small group of women of dubious morals, it was most unpleasant, being slagged off.

I believe using the wrong word is called a malapropism.

I can’t remember if it was on the radio or TV, but there was a programme where one of the leading ladies used malapropisms to great comedic effect.


It was the actor Hilda Baker in the radio show, Nearest and Dearest.

A few egg-samples: -

Much of the comedy was derived from Nellie’s constant malapropisms. When asked by Lily if she knew the facts of life, Nellie replied with immense dignity, “Of course I do! I’m well over the age of content!” In another episode, Nellie has a suitor named Vernon Smallpiece, whom she addresses as ‘Vermin Bigpiece’. When Eli insists on playing the high-powered executive once he is in charge of the pickle business, Nellie asks him who he thinks he is “sat sitting there like a big business typhoon!”

Ah, I remember the filum with Gregory Peck. I hadn’t realised it was based on Mr O’Flaherty

As is, Merchant Banker.

The wife, the dog and myself have been out for a long walk along the banks of the Royal Canal today, we dropped in for a pint on the way home, all and all a very enjoyable afternoon.:slight_smile:

Except for one thing that has been nagging me since I saw in written on one of the canal bridges and on two brick walls along parts of the canal, the words “Dexter Hollowfarthing Didn’t Do It”
Who the hell is Dexter Hollowfarthing? and what is he accused of???”.:confused:

Love the way you said the word ‘Fiium’ there Fruity, it reminded me of when I was apprenticed to a West Indian fella, he was a brilliant diamond mounter and he loved action films.

If there was a good film on in town he would give me a shilling to get a good seat at the cinema, watch the film carefully and report back to him almost scene for scene, not an easy task from a lad with a heavy Dublin accent and him with a heavy Jamaican accent, I’ll leave it to your imagination to visualise the exchange.:smiley:

He would look up the cinemas in the paper, select one and say
“Hey little Timmy! (me name is Jimmy) you want to go see a good FLEM?, go get de coat on man, youz just gone!”

Westerns were his favourite.

“I was once run out of town by a small group of women of dubious morals, it was most unpleasant, being slagged off.” Quote Spitfire.

You naughty boy Spitty, obviously you are not blessed amongst women of the oldest profession, nor was I.

There used to be a certain girl in our area who did “shows” in her dad’s back garden shed for any lads who had sixpence to spare, I could never get a whole tanner together, fourpence halfpenny was as far as I got one time, this has humbly offered to the young goddess but quickly turned down with the heart piercing words,

“Buy a few lollipops with it kid then go home to mammy”:shock:

Yes she was a regular little apprentice Cynthia Payne, she went into the business big time later on, ran a red light house on the Southside for posh clients only, she’s still alive and she retired a very wealthy woman, so I heard.

For some strange reason, this song always reminds me of Cynthia Payne and her luncheon voucher scheme.;-):slight_smile:


I read that NASA are about to attempt a repair job on the Hubble Space Telescope, seems the computer stopped working or something.

Hubble has been up there for 30 years now and if it hadn’t been there we would never have known that Pluto had moons, or the dark matter existed, Hubble therefore discovered black matter.

I often like to joke about NASA and what they tell us about the universe but it’s only in fun, no harm meant by it.
So I really hope they are successful, Hubble has been a great servant to us over the years and long may it continue to send us back beautiful pictures from space.:slight_smile:

Speaking of astrology and space, I see a scientist at NASA has made an interesting discovery much to the delight of the American Law Society.

You’ve all heard of dark matter and black holes, well this chap who used to be a lawyer himself, has discovered several ‘Loop Holes’ in the milky way, a loop hole is just like a black hole, but it’s a black hole with a way out, and just like black holes nobody has ever seen one but that doesn’t matter, if NASA say they are there then they must be there, sort of like the emperor’s new clothes, and anyone who denies it will be branded a lunatic, that’s the way the World works now, folks will believe anything told to them by scientists and even they are never sure of anything, most of the stuff they peddle is theory, as Clint Eastwood once said “Theories are like assholes, everybody’s got one”:smiley:

Anyway according to a report the law society’s reaction to the news was most favourable, saying “the more loop holes the better, happy is the lawyer who goes to court with a briefcase full of loop holes”, they even suggested they rename the milky way the ‘Milk and honey way’.:wink:

There is no way you can escape greedy lawyers, they’ll always be with us wherever we boldly go, aye aye Captain, beam me up a good lawyer.:slight_smile:


I seldom look in here during the day, glad now I don’t, far too many rows and folks arguing, not for me thank you.
I’d just like to say that my posts here are mostly tongue in cheek and I’ve no intention of offending anyone, that has never been in my nature, I like the peaceful friendly life.:slight_smile:

My dear wife Phyllis loves watching all those antique buying and selling TV shows, put your money where your mouth is, antique road trip, bargain hunt, etc.,
Tim Wonnacott is her favourite, he can do no wrong in her eyes. Charlie Ross I like, very witty and natural, one would never think he was a millionaire.

However she cannot stand Catherine Southon, says she’s a cranky bitch when she doesn’t get her own way, she’s also tight fisted and a very bad loser.

That’s all well and good, we’re all entitled to like who we want on TV, no explanations needed, and those who stick their mugs into our living rooms without being invited (via TV) should be prepared for a certain amount of slagging, that’s probably why they are so well paid. Indeed some of them would be more effective haunting houses.:slight_smile:

I like the programs too, if only from a retired goldsmiths point of view, some of the auctioneers/presenters know their stuff and some can be way off the mark, but that makes the show a bit more interesting.

I often wished I was there with a few quid in me pocket when I’d see diamond rings going for a quarter of what they are actually worth, in fact in my younger days I did very well visiting auction rooms all over the country and buying old diamond rings for remounting and then selling them on.

Back to Phyllis, when the Catherine one comes on she gets agitated saying “”Oh God not this sour faced bitch again, Jimmy wait till you see her licking up to the men to get the stuff for little or nothing, she’s a two faced cow”
“Its only TV my dear, watch your blood pressure”

At the end of the program when the stuff they bought is being auctioned off she’s up off her chair cheering on any opponent of Southon’s.

Ah the power of television is still very strong to the easily led.;-):slight_smile:


Lovely weather we’re having in these fair isles, hope you’re all happy with your new found freedom folks. :slight_smile:

The happy anatomy guide :wink:

It is possible to be happy anywhere, happiness is a state of mind not body, for example the right leg can be contented without the left leg being contented, if the left leg had gout obviously it is not a relaxed leggy. If the right arm is broken the left arm doesn’t feel the pain.

When the mind is happy all of it is happy, one cannot section off a part of it, it is the entire you, the other bits of the body are all slaves to the mind so they don’t count where emotions are concerned, except maybe to portray signs of the emotions outwardly.

One cannot have an emotional arm or leg, but one can have emotional eyes and maybe an emotional mouth, but not emotional ears, nose, jaws, neck, big toe, or chin, etc., could you imagine a writer penning something like

“She fought back the tears, she must be brave now, but it was too much to bear and the emotion began to show on the tip of her Roman nose” :shock:

The mind is the real package and it can travel anywhere it wants to go and do anything it wants to do, as yet nobody knows where the self/mind goes after the body no longer works, perhaps it just floats about space as a form of gas, it must go somewhere because there is no such thing as nothing, if you don’t believe me ask any of the experts at NASA, they’re always finding things like black holes and black matter where we all thought there was nothing before.;-):slight_smile:

I believe that when we sleep the mind is temporally separated from the body, of course when it can’t find it’s way back in you are brown bread for sure, but maybe it has found a better place and doesn’t want to come back, the grass may be greener on the other side after all, who knows?.

One thing puzzles me, do you tell the mind what to do or does the mind tell you what to do?
Deep stuff indeed.:confused:

In my humble opinion disease of the mind is the worst kind of disease, no peace, no rest, no hope, nothing, incurable diseases of the mind like dementia are soul destroying to all concerned, I truly have great sympathy and admiration for folks dealing with it.:frowning:

So if you have nothing serious bothering you try to be happy whenever you get the chance, you’ll enjoy life much better.;-):slight_smile:

Here’s a little cast iron plaque to remind us that happiness is a two sided emotion. ;-):smiley:


Normally I don’t mind TV ads, they sometimes make me laugh, but having the same product morning noon and night aimed at you is pure torture.:twisted:
Those bloody Peloton ads are at saturation levels now, I hear the thump thump music start up and
I switch over channels like a light, the ads are everywhere, I can’t take much more to this, surely they know they are turning everyone off their name for life?, are people really that stupid they’ll buy a glamourised push bike for €4,000 and sit on it in their own home when they can get an ordinary bike much cheaper and get out and enjoy the fresh air and scenery while still getting the same exercise?, better again, go for a brisk walk for free.
Thump! thump! thump!
Had to get that off me chest, feel better now.:smiley:

When I was in school back in the 50’s I knew more big words than I do now.
The bible and the Irish language were rammed down our throats, especially the bible.

Words like ‘immaculate conception’ ‘perpetual succour’ ’scourged at the pillar’ ‘extreme unction’ and many more.

Of course I hadn’t a clue what they meant but that didn’t matter to the teachers, with 50 kids to a class their job was make sure we knew the words before the bishop asked us the pre confirmation questions.

Anyway it didn’t do us any harm.:slight_smile:

One boy was asked by the bishop to tell him about the holy trinity mystery, three divine persons in the one God.
The boy said he couldn’t understand it himself.
“And why is that my boy?”
“Because you’re not supposed to understand it, it’s a mystery your grace”

Oh the common sense that comes out of the young is amazing.:slight_smile:

This old audio recording was unearthed from a townie school about 30 years ago, animation was added and it was played a lot on the radio and TV, this little girl is typical of Dublin townie kids back then, John the Baptist was going around ‘curing leopards’. :smiley:
Silver Tabby might enjoy this. she’s a Dubliner, it’s from a series called “Give up yer aul sins”


Curing the leopards, I love that.

When that there song by the Beatles first came out I was sure they were singing, Ticket to write, which didn’t make sense to me at all.

I watched yer man Terry Wogan a few years ago when he was interviewing an Irish actor. At one point she mentioned something about “dorty filums” and the words stuck.

I remember watching the Moon landings in the sixties. That was the original breakfast TV. Dad had turned the set on and we sat and watched it together afore I went off to school.

I see two high-flyers have been up to the edge of space, including a game old duck in her eighties. Good on her.

I spent my whole career employed in the aerospace industry from school to retirement, and for a few years I worked with a chap who was qualified in space engineering.
When he did something, it really was rocket science. He had bee a sailor at some point so was generally known as Pugwash.

We watch the occasional antiques programme as well, especially the road trips in classic cars. I am hopeless with names, but there are some presenters I prefer to watch more than others.

There was a similar notice in our stores office to the one on your plaque, but my favourite was the one my training officer had on her wall. Nearly fifty years on I can still remember it.

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realise that what you heard was not actually what I meant.”

I’m not absolutely sure, but I think it means, “you’re wrong”.

TV ads. Well due to the wonders of modern technology we record virtually everything now and watch it later. If we download something on out satellite box it usually comes without ads at all, or at least with a greatly reduced number.
Watching recordings just means we fast forward though the ads.

Ah, yes, the bike ad. Ride a fixed device in front of a TV screen, or go out on yer old sit-up-and-beg bike with chainguard and good old Sturmy-Archer 3-speed and look at the wonders of nature or the intricate buildings.

The worst ads for me are the ones that sponsor a show so that you get it before and after every programme. The same ad, over and over and over. It’s especially bad if we have downloaded a show with five series and twenty two episodes per series, and advert breaks every. seven. minutes.

Don’t know what has happened to the world of late, I tried yesterday to enjoy a simple game of Table Tennis, but could I? No, every couple of minutes, I kept getting “Pinged”.:lol::lol::wink:

Smashing post Fruity, you covered a lot of ground there in a neat round up, thanks.:wink:

Quote Spitfire:
“Don’t know what has happened to the world of late, I tried yesterday to enjoy a simple game of Table Tennis, but could I? No, every couple of minutes, I kept getting "Pinged”

:lol: I just knew it was going to be you who’d come up with the first “Ping” joke Spitty, God man your a natural.:slight_smile:

“Track and Trace” is that not the same thing as stalking?, I thought there was a law against that?;-):slight_smile:

There are so many new laws coming out so quickly that they’re tripping over one another, hasty politicians and greedy lawyers.

There was a row going on here in government a few weeks ago about the drinking on the street laws, normally it was OK for publicans to let folks drink in designated areas such as beer gardens, but the folks were out on the path and on the street, everywhere in fact bar inside the pub itself.
They had to pass a new law quickly to allow this else the publicans would be up in arms claiming starvation, I’ve never seen a skinny publican in me life, they were all well fed and well heeled back in the old days, now you can’t give a pub away.:slight_smile:

There’ll be some sorting out the tangle of new laws when this is all over, which is a ping and which is a pong, the solicitors are in for a bonanza.

This rhyme must be from the early 1900’s, my grandmother used to recite it when I was very young, she spent a lot of time in the cinema with her young family in the 1920’s, her husband was always away with his job as a train driver, herself and the four kids would pack lunches and off they’d go to spend the whole day in the picture house watching the same silent films over and over again.
When you come to think of it it’s not much different to spending the whole day watching a computer screen or TV today is it?.:wink:

I always thought the rhyme was made up by my granny but I checked it out and it’s of Scottish origin.

Skinny Malink malojan legs umbrella feet
Went to the pictures and couldn’t get a seat
When the picture started
Skinny Malink farted
Skinny Malink malojan legs umbrella feet.

Malojan- a Gaelic corruption of an old English phrase, “cat on a melodeon,” which I’m told is a type of organ on legs.

Yeh don’t see many skinny malinks about these days do you, thanks to all the junk food everyone seems to be scoffin’.:slight_smile:

All the kids gangs years ago had only one fat fella, usually from the wealthiest family in the area, whereas today there would be only one skinny fella, usually from a well off health conscience family, how times change.;-):slight_smile:

Yep, how things don’t change FGS, a weighty problem.:lol::lol::wink:

Plenty of useful information about photography being posted lately, I was never any good with a camera, but I did have one moment of joy many years ago.:slight_smile:

The lighter green speckled Tit.

You might be surprised to know I used to do a bit of bird watching in my younger days, this little chappy is very rare, so rare that it’s seldom seen these days, and not to be confused with yer commoner garden green backed Tit.

It was a most memorable day for me when I managed to capture a shot of this lovely almost extinct bird.

I was sitting on a rock in a field, ears cocked and eyes peeled
The lighter green speckled Tit was about
My only company was a sulking Cow, dejected after having a row
Slimy stuff dripped from it’s mouth.

I’d been there for quite a while when I broke into a rewarding smile
There it was perched on the Cow’s bottom
Out with the camera and a click, you have to be quick
Nice one, at last I got’em.

I dashed home to show the wife, the idol of me life
She looked surprised to see me
“You look tired, won’t you sit,? did you snap the green Tit?
“Yes, but I had to be quick, or I’d have missed it”

So now the snap hangs on the wall, in view of all
The rarest Tit in all the land, on hand
Sitting on the cows bum, just like a faithful chum
There for every visitor to see, and it was taken by me.:slight_smile:

Yes I was so proud of myself, I haven’t seen the photo in years since we moved, when I asked the wife where it was just now she said she thinks she threw it out, why was I not shocked and surprised you may well ask?, because she’s my wife that’s why, and that’s what she often does, throws things out, she should have been a bouncer, it’s a miracle she didn’t throw me out years ago. ;-):smiley:

Don’t mind my ramblings, that was just an excuse to play this lovely old song from a lovely singer.:slight_smile:


There is much here to Desist
Just like that fella Realist
Reasons run Rife
Just hope the Tins are in Shelf Life.

Ah the simple life, what is it?

Well I think one can live the simple life anywhere, no matter the location, it’s your own attitude to life that counts.

I like to think I’m living the simple life now, very little bothers me at this stage of life, worrying is a waste of valuable time when you are older, besides what’s going to happen will happen anyway so just deal with it as best you can.:wink:

People often make things complicated for themselves, for example people who drive cars, (when not essential), I can never understand some motorists, they are the worlds worst moaners, they moan about other drivers, the cost of fuel, road tax, cyclists, pedestrians, busses, slow moving tractors when on country roads, traffic jams when on city roads, parking spaces, parking charges, the list of moans goes on and on, I know, I have several drivers in my family and they never stop complaining and about the situation on the roads, well do as me granny used to suggest to moaning drivers, “Sell the bloody thing and buy an ass”;-):slight_smile:

Indeed drivers have been known to get out of their cars and murder other drivers in broad daylight, a dangerous lot to mess with I can tell you, all tensed up, no wonder they are having heart attacks all over the place.

I think of all the hassle I have saved meself by never learning how to drive, and that’s just one example, going into partnership in business is another one I avoided after been stung once, living with a disagreeable nagging partner can be a lifelong headache too, avoiding unwanted stress early in life is good for you in the long run.

Give me the simple life anytime, a contented wife, a happy dog, a good smoke, a sound glass of booze, and a comfortable armchair, sheer bliss, cheers!;-):smiley:

I heard this song on the radio this morniong, I can’t get it out of me head all day, it was the Tony Bennett recording, this version I like better, it’s by George Clooney’s Aunt Rosemary, lovely person God rest her.


The conclusion is, the Mornin is for thinkin, the evening is forskinthing.:wink:

Why Mister Darcey, you have made me blush.

Forskinthing? :shock:
Thank God I don’t know what that is, sounds utterly disgusting, made me blush too, on the other hand it could be something quite innocent like an antique baby rattle.;-):slight_smile:

Half and Hole.

The wife used to love the wrestling on TV when she was younger, I could never understand why she liked it, I mean it’s all staged, fat fellas banging the floor with their boots and groaning like wounded Bulls, ah well whatever scratches yer itch, we’re all different.:slight_smile:

We had a family living near us back in the 50’s, the Nelsons, they had twin boys, one of the lads had a ‘hole in the heart’, three or four cases of it in our area alone at that time if my memory serves me right, the condition seems to have mysteriously disappeared now, you never hear of it any more, maybe they introduced a small dose of polyfiller to the diet of pregnant women who knows.;-):slight_smile:

Anyway the lad with the hole was called ‘Hole Nelson’ and the other fella ‘Half Nelson’ and in all the years I’ve known them I never found out their first names.

Half is still alive, I often see him in the pub and everyone still calls him Half, I’m afraid Hole went down the hole twenty years ago. That’s the truth.

I once joined “Random thinkers” forum, an international forum for all kinds of everything, but I had a row with the administrator and left after only one post.

Let me explain.

As I’ve often said me old lamps are dimming and I don’t always see words properly, it can get one into trouble.
I had posted in the introductory section, giving a few personal details, the admin responded thus.

“Hello random thinker, welcome to the forum”

I misread it and replied.

“Don’t you dare call me a randy tinker, stick your forum up your randy rectum, I’m off”

You know you’re getting old when you stop to think and forget to start again.
That was told to me years ago by Ben Occolar, a man of great vision.

One of my favourite songs from the underestimated (IMO) but very talented Billy Fury, God be good to him.


My dog Rocky 2 is a great little dog and we all love him, but to be blunt and honest he’s an idiot.

He could never grasp the simple trick of ‘giving you the paw’ for example, and believe me I tried to teach him till I was blue in the face. He’s just not interested in doggy tricks. He’s about ten years old now but none the wiser. He knows no tricks whatsoever, he’s just a happy dunce of an old dog, an idiot and proud of it. :smiley:

He jumps up on the sofa when another dog is passing by and then starts to bark, how he knows there’s a dog out there is beyond me, he cannot see out and he certainly can’t smell it.

He did it again today and I shouted at him to shurrup but he paid no attention to me and kept on barking, then the wife told him to shurrup and he did, she then turns to me and says:

“You don’t be telling him to shurrup, he only shuts up for me, your confusing him!”

“How can you confuse an idiot?” says I, “Confusion is a build in app with idiot dogs, and his app is right up to date, in fact it never went out of date, he’s in the same state of confusion as the day you first got him”

Then I went out to the hall to get me jacket and pop up for a quiet pint, I sensed a barney coming on so I got out while the going was good.

I mean any dog who thinks he can fly has got to be an idiot. (see flying dog post last month with picture)

Still I wouldn’t trade him for the World. :wink:

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