I’m bringing the dog to guide us home? She’s like a pigeon except cuter and not full of fleas. 
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**ATTENTION, ATTENTION
**
This is your Captain speaking, we have a full crew, therefore we will be casting off tomorrow at the crack of sparrow fart
It will be a long journey, full of great danger, short rations and weevils. Gird your lines…oh bring some fresh underwear
An update on thecast and crew
The cast and crew of this Saga.
The hero, Captain and chosen one… Position filled…Vlad.
A safari guide loads of lines and heroic stuff … Would suit someone with a shed in disrepair. Position filled…Maver-rick
A cabin girl a few lines and a sex scene with a pirate and the chosen one…Position filled…Eliza
A ship’s Navigator, must be good with maps and stuff and have their own ruler. Position filled…summer
A Squid… not many lines…in fact none, but has a small part in mid Atlantic, Position filled …butterscotch
A tribal chief… One of the main characters. A shedfull (sorry) of lines… Available
A tribal princess… would suit a lady of a certain age who wishes she was 16 … again. Available
A penguin, good part for a character actor who is on the short side, loads of lines, possible Oscar nomination Position filled…Pixie knuckles and her dog…
A Carmen Miranda hat, a non-speaking role Position filled Carmen Miranda has claimed the hat
A muscular but thick baddie who dies tragically, Position filled…Psmith
A Shaman, would suit someone into aroma therapy and all that transcendental stuff Position filled …Fat Kev
A cast of thousands… would suit thousands. Available
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Wanders off to find a ruler and a pencil
Wait…wait…I’m a blooming penguin???!!! 
Oh alrght, short and sweet, thats me then!
You are now a penguin…live with it!
Bloody actors,never bloody happy…sigh…
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Journey to a Far Land, a prequel….
Vlad was no stranger to the sea. Oh no! At the age of six he had won a goldfish at a local fair and by the time he was 67 he had seen The Poseidon Adventure over a dozen times, so he was certainly no novice when it came to nautical matters.
Living in a non-naval town Vlad figured that he couldn’t help but be a natural sailor. After all, he had certainly hung out with enough of them.
The sea must be in his blood, in his fibre, in his very marrow, and he had long suspected that this was the cause of his arthritis.
He bought himself an atlas and after studying it for several hours he managed to locate the page displaying Deep and Dark and Dangerous Places and The Mountains of Despair. Hurrah!
He had a little drink to celebrate and then got on with plotting his course - and was immediately encouraged when he saw that the route was relatively short and more or less flat all the way across. He got a pencil and a ruler carefully drew a straight line across the page. This navigation lark was a piece of piss. Did he really a navigator after all?
Vlad a great adventurer and part time sailor had heard of the fabled land of Mountains of Despair and the location of The First Shed from his old mate Fat Kev, many readers will be familiar with Fat Kev, he works for the council. Vlad decided that the time was ripe to seek his fortune and travel into the great unknown, all he needed now was for his crew to turn up on time and a boat… tune in tomorrow…
(This epic will be available on Netflix soon)
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I am an expert with maps - used to go orienteering for fun - never lost a body - and I have rulers of all sizes and persuasions - metal, wood, or acrylic - available in inches or centimeters!
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Now you bloody tell me! How about being a tribal princess ?
Me, me, take me please!
Have you got a tribal princess yet?
Because I was born for that role………
Prepared to get tattoos and piercings as required 
I wonder if there’s a casting couch lurking about?
I think we’re going in a boat, so make that a casting bunk……
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Well I want to be the pirate , do I have to keep one leg on the floor during the sex scene…?, will there be tea and biscuits afterwards?
If you are a pirate you might only have one leg.
if hes only one leg , we can have a crutch each , 
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And a parrot, and an eye patch, and a hook for a hand, and a hat with skull and cross bones. A pirate is just an seafairing stereotype when you think about it. 
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just getting ready for tomorrow ,practice makes perfect.
No way!
I believe Maree has applied for that role.
Are you turning me down as navigator? Even though I have an endless supply of maps and know where all the treasure is buried?
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And you would do it so well!
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Rather than several replies to a topic in a row
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Curses - those damn Bots are after me again!