That’s very interesting….honestly 
All present and correct captain.
Not exactly what i had in mind…but I have to live with it. The quality and calibre of actors on this forum leaves a lot to be desired…
Well done! Cap’n confiscated my binnacle when he made me surplus to requirements and put me on ignore - but you are welcome to my charts and theodolite if they would be of help.
You have a sex scene comiing up. 
Btw did anyone volunteer to be the Tribal Princess Mups has been pencilled in for the Tribal Chiefess …?
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Since when and with whom?
I have no idea…it’s up there in the script.
I’m a penguin, what do I know? 
Maybe Cap’n is saving the best 'til last 
You were a bloody danger with all those accoutrements hang around your neck
Is the bosun about she should know…
Yes, me, me! I was born for that role
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Personal and Private
Congratulations , you are now a Tribal Princess, with all the honours and rights accredited to the position, your new contract is in the. post.
Please note section 4 relating to Salary, expenses and benefits.
Please do not discuss this with other players…
Your trailer will be parked near the set, a beautician, make up artist, hairdresser, personal chef and masseur will be at your disposable. Please contact H&R if there is anything else the studio can do
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You obviously short sighted , have you not seen the size of her backside on that Donkey !
She better not be paid more than me after all the Thick Bricks ive had to put up with !!!
When casting heroines for very demanding roles I do not look at their arses even if they are delicious. I am not a liberty to discuss’actors’ 
I almost fell of my seat laughing when I wrote that, actors my arse:roll_eyes: salaries or benefits
Poor old Donkeyman
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It’s bloody hot out there…and here are stuck in a bloody minibus with a driver who seems to be unhinged…
Part VIII (is someone keeping track of this I am not sure what chapter I am on)
Mave makes a grand entrance stage left.
Our transport had finally arrived a 1974 Volkswagen Minibus that looked like it might have enjoyed a previous existence as something roadworthy.
Our driver is also our guide who to my utter astonishment was Mave- Rick who in fact was a lady who had lived in this neighbourhood for over sixty years and - according to the people who recommended her to us - she knows this land like the back of her hand. And knew about a secret shed, hidden somewhere in the foothills of the Mountains of Doom, Mave seemed like the perfect lady to accompany us.
I was still puzzling as to how She had got to Canada before us when I noticed a ticket for the No. 11 bus tucked into the brim of her Baden-Powell hat, …mystery solved.
"Thing is, the country around is a bitch,” Mave tells us, with the confident, lazy drawl of a safari guide accustomed to talking crap for the benefit of tourists and civilians. She’s staring out through the dirt-blasted windshield, scanning what the distant heat haze allows her to see of the horizon.
She’s got a pensive look on her face, but we realise she’s probably just concentrating on dislodging part of this morning’s breakfast from beneath her false teeth. "Yup,” she continues, and flicks her hand in an indolent gesture as she rests it on the steering wheel, "she sure is a harsh and unforgiving mistress."
"Okay,” we say in unison.
"She’s a cruel and wanton trickster,” Mav elaborates. She jerks her head around and hurls a big gob of spit at the adjacent window. The window happens to be wound up, but she doesn’t seem the slightest bit perturbed by the viscous globule of sputum as it slowly slides down the glass. "A sly old devil dog. She’s a rancid, petulant shopping trolley of death for the moribund adventurer. Oh yes, sirree." (Bear with us dear Reader, this is Mave’s big scene, I can see an Oscar in this)
"Great,” we say. “So, where are we?” (The same question asked in many previous posts)
"We’re lodged in the very heart of her evil bosom,” Maves says unhelpfully. "Caught up in her web of fear. I’ve seen this country kill a man - it sure ain’t pretty."
"Fantastic,” we say, becoming impatient now. "So what you’re trying to tell us is…?"
"Listen guys,” Maves says, and she turns and fixes us with a cold, yellow-eyed glare. Her lined, weather-beaten face seems as old as the plains, and each crease and wrinkle speaks of a lifetime of wisdom. Slightly more alarmingly, we notice that the gob on the window behind her has started to move upwards.
“Listen real good,” she says again. “I’ve been living on this land all my life. Man/woman and boy . In sickness and in health. Ob-la-di, ob-la-doh. Don’t you think if I could find my way about, I wouldn’t have shipped out years ago?”
At this point I detect an overwhelming smell of fear emanating from the region of Silver Tabby’s, Eliza’s, summer’s , Pixie Knuckles, Morticia’s, Maree and Uncle Tom colbys knickers.
She makes a good point, and she knows it. Without the need to elaborate, she guns the engine and we’re off again, in search of our mysterious isolated village.
"Most folks round here know about it," she tells us, and her voice could almost be described as portentous. "It’s the place where the hidden shed is hidden, which is why it is called, The Place of the Hidden Shed and not a lot of people know that”.
Mave stops the truck again and turns to us, a broad, gleaming grin cracking her gnarled face. "Well hey guys, whaddya know?" she says, and gestures over her shoulder. We look at the window behind her, slightly nonplussed. There’s a long streak spreading upwards on the glass, marking the ungainly passage of her expended saliva, but no sign of the actual gob itself. We start to worry. It could be anywhere. Then we notice the real object of her triumph. Clearly visible, etched into the dry dust stretching across the park to the distant mountains is a well-travelled dirt track.
Exciting eh?
Next episode.Thick Ed…A Tribal Chief and Princess enter stage left to applause from a man in a grey cardigan in Row 3
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Does Maree stroll around wearing nowt but a hula skirt now she’s a Tribal Princess? 
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Thank gawd Ive no more bricks aimed at my head and only dirty knickers to worry about ,
lets be on our way then , I think Percy is getting excited and its not about the hidden village .
Well, obviously!
I thought there was supposed to be a sex scene in Chapter VIII ? did I miss it