Thanks Surfermom, your input is always welcome as you are clever and practical.
I need to visit Argos today to get an adaptor plug for my razor - it doesn’t look so cold as yesterday, quite bright outside but I really wish the warmer weather could come back quickly.
Do take care Dreamy.x
I had a panic attack in the taxi today - thought I was going to die and I couldn’t catch my breath. I asked the taxi driver to stop for a while and I just talked to him and he was understanding.
Strange how I can go from a panic state to just a bit anxious in a couple of minutes but now I’m wary of taxis and how I’m going to manage. I wish I could catch a break from my symptoms; the panic just strikes. I used to get panic attacks in my house but thankfully haven’t had one of those in a while.
Oh dear Dreamy, such a shame.
The old breath into a paper bag works still. X
I’m just mulling things over. I’m afraid now that I’ll have a panic attack on my way in the taxi to the hospital tomorrow. This is because I had a panic attack in a taxi yesterday.
I know this is illogical. I’m perceptive but part of me (after 30 years of panic disorder), keeps on fearing panic attacks and impending death. I’m not afraid of death, it’s more the prospect of dying and would I suffer. The panic attacks and the fear of them has taken over my whole life.
I’ve heard all the advice and I’ve tried it all; relaxation exercises, breathing deeply, mindfulness and many others but I just can’t shake it. It’s made worse when I hear or see news about some celebrity or other dying young like that actor from Beverly Hills 90210 or whatever it was called, having a stroke and dying at 52. I’m terrified this is going to happen to me.
Maybe it’s because of my cancers and the constant in and out of hospital. I’m perfectly calm as I write this but it’s the fear of panic, the fear of the fear I may feel, anticipatory is the right word that stops me having a normal life.
This is why I’m nearly housebound: even short distances that I used to take, ie. to my doctor’s or the local Tesco scare me. And I used to be able to walk long distances of 7 or 8 miles stopping perhaps once. I used to walk to Morrisons and back with 2 heavy bags. That is a 5 mile round trip. I would do this quite regularly. It makes me so despondent (the panic disorder and agoraphobia) that I dread hospital visits like the one I have to make tomorrow. I’m not afraid of the CT scan, just getting to the hospital.
Some people would say that I’m not putting enough in ie. working harder with the exercises and mindfulness and there’s some truth in that. I just sit in the same chair with either my computer or the television for entertainment. I fear going out in the dark and have avoided this for a long time.
What would anyone suggest that I do? Because the diazepam won’t work anymore; my body has become tolerant of it and I would only notice if I stopped taking it.
That is difficult to answer Dreamy.
It is about overcoming that fear.
I did suggest the paper bag and breathing into it. It still works for some.
I will have a think and come back to this.
There is a member that helped on this matter. I will PM them for you. X
Thanks, Sweetie Pie, it’s very good of you.
I’m sorry to hear about your panic attacks Ffosse, it must be horrendous.
My stepdaughter suffers them regularly and hers are mainly to do with claustrophobia. She has two small children and they don’t understand of course when she is breathing heavily to try to combat her attacks.
One thing she does do when she’s by herself and going to work though is listen to audio books on her headphones. She says a good story or autobiographical narration works wonders to dispel any thoughts about an onset of an attack.
I’m sorry I can’t help more mate. Take care and I wish you luck when you’re out and about 
Thanks, Floydy.
I’ve just been told that they’ve changed my hospital re-admission day from Wednesday to Thursday because they’ll have the scan results definitely by then. I don’t want to go back into hospital. It’s this kind of uncertainty that unnerves me. I don’t even know what time they want me on Thursday but the Ward 8 team should phone me by then.
Trying to avoid drink at all costs but it would calm me down short time.
I got a call from my GP an hour ago about my medications and I told her of my fears. She tried to reassure me and suggested I listen to a relaxation app on my phone while I travel. I’ve got some new in-ear 'phones I can listen to. Got them in Argos yesterday because the old ones broke. I’ve had bad luck with things breaking this past six months. My kettle, toaster etc.
Thursday now
The music may help Dreamy.
Things do just break, I think they are made that way these days.
My Rado watch doesn’t have a scratch on it and it is 14 years old. It is made of specially tough ceramic, though. I’ve had watches break, I’ve got a Tag which broke just after 6 months - I took it into the store on Saturday and they will send it back to Tag. I do seem to break things easily, though. My DVR is playing up and it’s only 4 months old.
Oh dear my DVR is years old
What are having for dinner today Dreamy?
Meatballs and rice followed by yogurt.
Sounds good to me.
Today I go to my CT scan appointment at 2:45. I’m not looking forward to it at all with my recent panic attacks. It’s not the procedure I’m scared off; rather the traveling to and from the hospital.
I feel OK now but worry about my anxiety and how I can get rid of it. Taking 30mg of valium I hardly notice the effects of the drug. I do know that I would soon feel the effects if I stopped taking them, though.
Good luck for today Dreamy.
I hope all goes well, I am sure it will.
Hugs sent. X
I’m here at the hospital 43 minutes early, but at least I didn’t have a panic attack in the taxi
I had some diazepam and a nice glass of Malbec.
Good man! That’s what we want to hear.
I know it’s not plain sailing but you’re surely over the first of today’s hurdles, Ffosse. Good luck with the scan mate 
Just stay calm Dreamy. We are here supporting you. x
