Dear Mr. Tpin ~ My oh my. . . I would never thought it possible to do that with a pickled egg. You are a genius.
Apricot and I had to watch it twice!
I was looking forward to the …well, the badge made in China of course. I’m getting a bit angry though about the changes being made in the delivery department. So, it’s a mankini now? I could have 'em for false representation I think.:twisted:
Dear Ms Emerald,
Unfortunately we are unable to deal with complaint at this moment in time, our complaints department is fully committed to dealing with a rash of complaints from one Ms Apricot, maybe you could meet up somewhere nice with the harridan and have coffee and cupcakes whilst discussing our inadequacies. Once again we thank you for contacting us.
Mr Rehab, ex Customer Complaints Manager, c/o Windy Willows Rest Home for the Clinically Depressed.
I read that Mr Rehab, I think you an absolute beast .
You will never ever get my business again and I mean that.
You can stick your badge up your pipe , so there
My brother will be round later for a “Chat”.
:-p
It WAS good though , you have to admit Mups.
Even though it made us blush like billio.:-p
Dear Mr Eggs R Us
As a teacher in a Secondary school I feel that educating impressionable young minds to the dangers of Internet predators is of utmost importance.
I’m sure you will be of like mind and as such would deem it your duty to post Mr Tpin’s dvd on to me, before returning it to its original owner.
Although difficult to watch I am sure the pupils will learn from the experience and will probably go on to share the perils amongst their peers via Snapchat and Instagram.
Besides which I could do with a good laugh
Yours sincerely
Mrs Hope Nprayforit
PIckle your walnuts Cottage
Desperatesville
Co. Mayooneverything
Ps. Exactly how small is the mankini?
Pps Have you ever been for a Brazilian?
My mind boggled like it has never boggled before Apricot.
Mr. Tpin is soooooo inventive and agile. 
Dear Ms Rhian,
May I direct your query to Mr Pervs R Us Tpin, who I am sure will be able to assist you, you little minx!
Further to Q1, tiny would be an exaggeration
Q2 …smoother than a baby’s bum,
I hope the above fulfills your quest for knowledge.
Rehab, Stud, Bon Vivant, International Lover, World Traveller, Casual Hero, Soldier of Fortune, philosopher and all round good egg.
Wars fought, Tigers Tamed, Revolutions started, Alligators castrated, Bars emptied, Uprising quelled, Virgins converted, Orgies organised and Computers verified.
Dear Mr. Eggs R Us,
I am afraid you are giving us serious cause for concern regarding your multiple qualifications.
I feel obliged to contact Mr. Dom Littlewood of Rogue Traders fame, to investigate your company on our behalf, and thought it only reasonable to inform you of this first.
I can well imagine you taming tigers, castrating alligators, quelling uprisings, and possibly even organising orgies, but serious doubts have been raised about the “Stud” qualification claim and I would be obliged if you would clarify this and provide a copy of your Certificate along with date of qualifying. Anything pre-1980 will be regarded as obsolete and would require updating.
Any photocopies of Customer Recommendations would also be appreciated, and these can be sent to Ms. Rhian, Apricot, Ms Apricot and myself at “Pickle Your Walnuts Cottage” if you prefer.
We await your references with anticipation.
Ms Mups
Stone me Mups , aint it the truth.
I don"t think we should share with the OFFS though ,they are very sensitive. Might bring on an attack of the vapours.
Well done Mups that will stop him in his tracks , bet we won"t hear another word.
Perhaps we could accept a photo of him in the aforementioned mankini as qualification of Stud status?
Do you think?
Please?
He may well have shot his bolt .!!! Without putting to fine a point on it.
BING BONG
'Attention this is your Captain speaking!
Bus number 11A for the Eggs R Us factory tour is now boarding at gate 25
Please collect your complimentary bag of peanuts and pickled egg from one of helpful tour guides before boarding
During our journey we will be travelling at a speed of 35miles per hour and at an altitude of 7’ 8"
In the event of a major accident the escape doors are here…
and here…
Our in-flight film for you enjoyment today will be
Flight of the Living Dead
Refreshments will be served throughout our journey by your host Rehab and Tpin
Please board now but remember to visit out duty free shop for those last minute gifts, sticks of rock and kiss me quick hats are now on sale
We hope hat you have enjoyed your travelling experience with Rehab Tours and that this enjoyment will be manifested in the size of donation you make into the gratuities box at the front of the bus.
Thank you! Have a nice day! "
BING BONG
Pahahahahahahahahaaaa
Note no stud cettificate forthcoming, girls.
I suspect it was completely out of date and expired long ago.
I refute the accusation, my solicitor will be in touch
Take no notice Mups, he is just shooting the breeze.
We have seen these chaps before giving it large.
His company is on it"s beam ends TBH.
From The Office of Scratchett and Grabhem Solicitors at Law.
Acting on behalf of the complainant Rehab 44 Owner and sole supplier Pickled Egg ltd by appointment to the Nobility.
To Ms Apricot and others of no fixed abode.
In that you have seen fit to cast aspersions on the good name of the appellate I.e. Rehab 44 Gentleman of this parish We will be seeking blood enormous compensation and prison sentences on the accused, so get you cheque books out.
Lots of Love
Amanda Sludge YTS trainee for the above. Xxxx
Dear MS Sludge,
Don"t waste your time dear, you are backing a loser .
Also pls tell your esteemed client , that I do happen to live at rather a prestigious address in Windsor, not that I am boasting of course, heaven forfend.
With kind wishes
[I feel you may need them]