I think it’s a deep-seated need to sound important,Jem.
Particularly in the colonies,where “Negative” is so very often used instead of the much quicker,simpler and easier to hear in a ruckus “NO!”
what’s in a name; a game; a train?
I’ll have a bob on RJ’s game
And let’s not forget old Pug
Who chews the gum; he’s quite a bud
I don’t know wot to make of Jem
Is it the drink that drives his pen?
Well all weez do around deez parts
Is chew the cudpugggumbudbob
And RJ’s gives us many a Jem!
I always wanted to be named GARTH.
very sinister!
I’ve always wanted to be called robert?
i had a white mouse once called Garth - he never answered to his name and ignored me by running around in a wheel all day
I would have loved to be called Eric, I have a lot of Viking blood in me and would have made a good Viking but for the fact that I get seasick very easily.
There was a young man called Arthur
We all knew what he was after
Lizzie was sweet and her legs were a treat
But Arthur only wanted her garter.
He was gay you see and wanted to impress his old school chums.
Although I wouldnt want to be one, I have great affection for the women in my life.
If I was a woman I wud like to be called Bobbie, after the dog GREYFRIARS BOBBY.
I’m up late again
is that a woman with hairy legs you speak of?
There was an old fellow cold Robert
Who really wanted to be called Bobbit
So we shortened it to bob, cos the bit didn’t fit
And now we’re selling a bit for two bobs?
well I’m up early again - same difference!
My medication is squeezing the life out of me dear boy. I’ve taken to downing a few shots of an evening, since we downsized from a house to a flat, stress you know.
When I first had Parkinsons I took to using a stick cos it gave a signal to folks that I was ill, not tipsy. Nowadays I’m just as likely to be both of those things.
Being positive I accept that nothing stays the same in this life. THe sting in the tail of this unstoppable force is that doing nothing is often NOT an option
Take modern gadgets, I have no mobile phone or any of the later improvements. I let them all pass in the sure knowledge that I could catch up, when I had time, didnt work did it?
In the retirement development we have moved in to we are the youngest owners, in fact the demised previous owner of our flat was 100. The living ones are mostly in their 80s.
THere is a chance of more drivel later in Viking,North Utsire
South Utsire,Forties,Cromarty,Forth * warning,Tyne * ,warning,Dogger * warning,Fisher,German Bight,Humber
Thames,Dover,Wight,Portland,Plymouth,Biscay,Trafalgar * warning,FitzRoy * warning,Sole,Lundy,Fastnet,Irish Sea
Shannon,Rockall * warning,Malin,Hebrides,Bailey * warning
Fair Isle,Faeroes,Southeast Iceland.
Does that take you back?
condolence dear Sir - my own various ailments perhaps less severe than yours do bring on the black dog sometimes - sick of swallowing pills each day BUT my full health check last year said ‘Still doing well for 72’ so I cannot complain too much - can still drive the car and walk the golf links.
the mornings are now chilly at 18C and I am often tempted to throw on a cardigan - do you remember those delightful woolen garments that seem to have gone out of fashion here in OZ?
THere is a chance of more drivel later in Viking,North Utsire
South Utsire,Forties,Cromarty,Forth * warning,Tyne * ,warning,Dogger * warning,Fisher,German Bight,Humber
Thames,Dover,Wight,Portland,Plymouth,Biscay,Trafal gar * warning,FitzRoy * warning,Sole,Lundy,Fastnet,Irish Sea
Shannon,Rockall * warning,Malin,Hebrides,Bailey * warning
Fair Isle,Faeroes,Southeast Iceland.
yes it was strangely a weather forecast that always gave me a comforting feeling - perhaps because I wasn’t there! I remember the infamous writer Tristan Jones once describing sitting in his little boat off the Irish coast and listening to his radio for such a forecast [if of course he could ever be believed] He also described listening to the same radio and picking up a telephone conversation between a New York taxi driver and his base [even harder to believe] - he was described as a story teller who mixed a bit of truth in witha lot of fantasy!
My god l have just turned to the Tv and there are these scantily clad bikini girls offering a car wash service at this time in the morning in a Perth suburb - for that kind of service I would step out of the car - disrobe and they could give me a hands on rub down! - wot is the world cumming too?
and finally we have in OZ at present a Kurt Elling - never heard of him - he is apparently a jazz singer [modern rather than traditional] but I never did follow the modern jazz much - he has been likened to frankie S but a far cry in my opinion - no one beats frankie including Harry Conick Jr.
Begorrah, that last paragraph recalls Paul Newman in COOL HAND LUKE, & the car wash scene, followed by the bunk beds creaking later that day. Or the chess scene in the THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR with another much missed icon Steve MacQueen.
On the subject of cardigans, I foolishly shared a joke I’d heard with a female colleague, about a young lad, Isaac, crying in the park because he didnt have a pullover. YOn colleague laughed and laughed. I knew she didnt get it cos the next afternoon I overheard her tell the same story, but in her version the missing garment was a cardigan.
watched both those films over time but the Thomas Crown Affair I watched a week ago - the original of course with McQueen and Fay Dunaway - the acting of course was superb and discreet - no smutty bedroom scenes - the filming spot on and the directing - no open sex was observed but had to be thought out. bit like the Scent of a Woman in some ways!
since talkin to you last thought of anothe amazing story from the Kimberleys - we know have only one hairdresser in town and she is definitely not a ‘barber’ - so having no option popped in there on tues to find the shop totally empty - can you do a quick cut please was my plea? sorry sir earliest booking is tomorrow at 2.45pm - what - well no option so took it - turned up next day and again shop totally empty - had a delightful haircut at seniors rates it took exactly 10 mins and cost $20. beggars can’t be choosers comes to mind
NB: just ordered on line of course my next package of pipe tobacco - Samuel Gawith Black Forest - sounds mysterious and dark heh? - the tobacco is produced by the same named company who reside in the Lake District I believe but my sample is coming from Victoria OZ!
Your cheerfulness and good humour often makes me forget you have an ailment RJ, I’m not sure whether that’s right or wrong on my part, but you have my admiration all the time.
I do indeed remember the gale warnings on the BBC, as Gumbud said it did make those who were not in the mentioned areas feel very safe.
The Banker and the Bishop sat up at the bar
The politician came in when he parked his car
They greeted each other with plastic smiles
Then they sat down to compare their files
“I made a million on the stock exchange today.
The Sun never shone but I still made my hay”
“Some poor devil will be the loss of it”
“To hell with him I’ll never fret”
The bishop had little to shout about
But he was good at putting on the poor mouth
“How much of that are you donating to the flock?”
“Sweet bugger all from me will you dock”
I finished me drink and went on me way
I’d had enough of greed for any one day.
Bishops, Politicians, Bankers, and other arseholes of that ilk are fair game in poems and Limericks, always have been since man started to scribble. I believe there exists a prehistoric cave drawing in France showing what appears to be the groups leader having a thorn stuck in his backside by a small laughing boy.
He sat down beside me,said “Pug-I hear you’re skint.
Look at my wallet dude-I’m worth a mint!”
I smiled and said “Sunbeam,you deceive to flatter;
the only real difference is your wallet’s fatter.
There’s a small-but-significant thing you’ve long lacked;
YOU may be rich-but my integrity’s intact”.
Oh how sweet it is Pug, integrity and a clear conscience. 
On the subject of BISHOPS, the late Kenneth Williams mentions in his book ACID DROPS a Bishop who happened to share a first class railway carriage with a travelling company of thespians, currently in panto.
Passing round a bag of acid drops he asked each one of them what part they took in their looming production DICK WHITTINGTON. Finally he asked if the actress next to him if she took Dick.
“Yes” she said, “But not for acid drops”
Was that Whittingly or unwittingly?
Final Will !!
I was sitting at the computer the other day & called out to my wife,
“WHEN I DIE I’M GOING TO LEAVE EVERYTHING TO YOU, DEAR!”
SHE SHOUTED BACK "YOU ALREADY DO, YOU LAZY BASTARD”
dunno, could it be apocryphal?
It’s enough to turn you into a misogynist/