Gumbud Leisurely Scribbles (part 1)

I’m living in the world of Miss Marples
Where nothing is ever what it seems
But for an hour or two my world does turn blue
And I’m living through everyone’s dreams

I’ve been transposed back in a time machine
To the 20/30/40’s and beyond
I can mix with the rich and view poor at a switch
And I just sit and watch all who respond

And I know what the finish will be like
Despite corpses who litter the floor
Miss Marples will out as summer casts a clout
And she smiles so demurely and sure!

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I do love Miss Marple, based on Agatha Christie’s Grandmothers powers of observation I believe.
Speaking of observation and powers of, when I’m talking to someone in the pub I love to listen and at the same time I am discreetly watching their body movements, the ladies make far more movements than the men do, expressing themselves down to the last detail, I think it’s no wonder that women are better writers than men, they are great at filling you in when telling a story. While my missus is no writer she takes great pleasure in telling me about the Butchers new dog or the new carpet one of her friends got, trivial stuff to me but I do pretend to be interested for peace sake, ‘cos I’m gonna hear it whether I want to or not
While some of Agatha Christie’s plots are brilliant others are not so clever, but I read her works over and over again not so much for the plots but the way she expresses her observations about individuals, very funny sometimes and often outrageous, take Lord Bantry and his wife Dolly (The Thirteen Problems) she really gives these two a hard time but they deserve it they are both gobshites, she would not get away with it today in this PC gone mad world.:slight_smile:

My dads favourite poem, he used to recite it when he had a pint or two, used to really bamboozle us as kids.

One fine day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight,
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other,
One was blind and the other couldn’t, see
So they chose a dummy for a referee.
A blind man went to see fair play,
A dumb man went to shout “hooray!”
A paralysed donkey passing by,
Kicked the blind man in the eye,
Knocked him through a nine inch wall,
Into a dry ditch and drowned them all,
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
And came to arrest the two dead boys,
If you don’t believe this story’s true,
Ask the blind man he saw it too!

I was watching the security cameras earlier, they show the front and back of the house and alternate between the two scenes, suddenly the view of the front went upside down, the sound stayed perfect though, I checked all along the wires and one connection was a bit loose so I fixed it. It was then I had my eureka moment!
Some folks can read upside down and backwards too, I have heard music played backwards, people speaking backwards on recorders, but what if we could hear sound that was upside down, yes upside down sound, you can see upside down visions, why not hear upside down noises? what would it sound like to our ears? would you have to stand on your head to hear it? I think they should research the possibility of upside down sound, it would open up a whole new concept in listening pleasure. We already have stereo sound and the home cinema sound effect, well can you imagine adding upside down sound to that, the speakers would have to slowly suck in the sound then fans inside them would take over and spin the sound on it’s head forcing it to travel upside down to hit the four corners of the room, utterly fantastic experience in listening. If they ever get to grips with this I can envisage future generations evolving an extra pair of ears on their backsides to enhance the experience of upside down sound. Who knows what delights await discovery? if we do not seek we shall never find.
I believe John Lennon experienced something like it on an LSD trip, they tried it out on ‘Strawberry Fields’ but failed miserably, it cannot be explained you have to actually hear it, roll on the upside down ultimate sound recorder! And remember, you heard it first on here folks! :wink:

I feel disorientated and a bit sick …

What’s your Words Worth
Domination of the Turf?.
A verbal rebirth
Spray the Splurf
Seen your Type Before
You know the score
You like to deplore
Minds to explore
Smell the Coffee
Taste the toffee
Visit Entebbe
Tell a Teletubbie.

Good little poem, very inventive :slight_smile:

Awww…thank you,Sue.
I won’t pretend poetry comes easily…well…not ‘clean’ poetry!

M’main man…walk into Bracken Cave,Texas,just after sundown.
All you’ll hear is a cacophony of upside-down “Oh,ffs-another tourist,when we’re trying to sleep!”
[wiv a Murcan accent,natch]

Ah Pug dear boy, nice to see you dropping in. Thank you for the tip, next time I visit the States I will investigate.
These silly things do play on my mind you know, like why do we need two nostrils when we can only smell one thing at a time, we have two ears and they are apart so we can hear more than one sound at a time, maybe if we separated the two nostrils and put one on either side of the head we could smell two smells at the same time, Oh questions, the world if full of them and so few good answers.:smiley:

or two ovaries or testicles - maybe like a spare tire - just hangs in there until required?

That’s a good point Gumbud, having built on/in spare parts must be a good thing, you can even grow your own ear on your arm nowadays, I know a chap in politics and his head is growing further and further up his own ass.:smiley:

[this one’s for Jem…just to confuddle his errant braincell]

I’ve been trying to remember the Roman numerals for the numbers 51,6 and 500.
Try as I might,they just will not come to mind…oooh,I’m LIVID!

Subtiliter puer meus

oeer RJ I just love it when you talk dirty!!:mrgreen:


A little note by way of explanation on the following, absolutely nothing to do with my previous post, but that’s what this thread is all about, scribbles.
Captain Boyle is a bit of a self made know-all and he was trying to explain how the stars in the sky came into being to his thick mate Jockser Daly, when he finishes his speech Jockser is none the wiser and just stares in ignorance at the Captain, the Captain in his wisdom decides to put it in a nutshell for him.
Captain Boyle: “I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realise that what you heard is not what I meant”
Jockser Daly: “Oh I see”

Sean O’Casey’s Play “Juno and the Paycock” 1923.

Waking the Dead - seems to be a reasonably popular detective series with a difference - but are we obsessed with justice old biblical sense despite the fact that it may be fictional anyway?

do we really need to wake the dead
or have they gone on way ahead
they’ve done their ‘time’ and now sublime
why are we obsessed with doing time?

we seem to have left in our psychi
an eye for eye and tooth mentality
there was a new message tooted about
forgive your enemies they’re doing time no doubt

Are justice systems set in stone
an eye for eye is what we groan
is it because we want them back
and don’t realize we’re in same old track?

the law of the savanah plains
is dog eat dog no one to blame
If you believe God made is all
then get on with life don’t sup the gaul!

That’s brilliant Gumbud!

mercy buttercup!

One of the few poems dedicated to the ordinary mans pint. A pint of ‘Plain’ was a cheaper version of Guinness’s ‘Stout’ but Guinness brewed it all they same, it is no longer available in Dublin. I think this was written in 1950.

“The Workman’s Friend”

When things go wrong and will not come right,
Though you do the best you can,
When life looks black as the hour of night -
A pint of plain is your only man.

When money’s tight and hard to get
And your horse has also ran,
When all you have is a heap of debt -
A pint of plain is your only man.

When health is bad and your heart feels strange,
And your face is pale and wan,
When doctors say you need a change,
A pint of plain is your only man.

When food is scarce and your larder bare
And no rashers grease your pan,
When hunger grows as your meals are rare -
A pint of plain is your only man.

In time of trouble and lousey strife,
You have still got a darlint plan
You still can turn to a brighter life -
A pint of plain is your only man.

– Flann O’Brien (Brian O’Nolan)