To be honest I don’t think some people want to get it.
Audrey I know exactly what you mean and where you are coming from, having had a similar experience. No one knows unless they’ve been there. I wasn’t for the knitting and petunias either. Life’s too short.
Like I said … …
That made me LOL 
For you that is fine as I have been saying all along, me I like knitting and petunias. Why can’t we both have what we want ?
I am allowed I thought to say what I would do if I was widowed, not saying anyone else should do the same.
Of course you are… however… you are saying what you THINK you would do. There is no way you can say for certain as you have never been in that position… But I understand… I said the same thing. In fact… after my husband passed, I was involved in an internet grief group especially for widowed people… and let me tell you every single one of them swore up and down they would NEVER EVER look for another mate. Then… as time passed… that changed for most… That’s not to say some didn’t get stuck in their grief and carry it to the grave… but I’m telling you that 90% of them did not… and were open to another partner after a time. You have no way of knowing which group you would fall into… until it happens.
There you go again telling me what I think I will do is not OK because others changed their minds I don’t think you know me at all and I wouldn’t dream of telling you anything like that if you say you would do something I would not even try to dissuade you. Your life you make your decisions. My life I make mine.
You can, but why profess that your way has a “stricter moral code” implying that any other way is inferior or not quite the done thing?
Ok Julie… you win… You know EXACTLY how you would react and feel without having been there… Good to know that there are people so cock sure about everything. I would never be that presumptuous… life has thrown me too many curves to ever say something like that… But good for you.
OK I live by a very strict moral code no alcohol, no smoking or recreational drugs including caffeine, no meat, no sex, no sugar (that’s a recent change). I have to work hard on forgiveness everyday, I try to live a good life.
If I were widowed I would be considering becoming a Nun, I am that sure about my Faith and my need to serve in some way.
I don’t think I am morally superior I just don’t think anyone here would want to follow my stance.
Nunhood may elude me as we now have a child to raise and she comes first. But if I am still alive when she leaves home I am pretty sure what I want to do with my life next.
I am not better than anyone.
‘One’ last try …
Why doesn’t anyone get - we are talking ‘bed hopping’ NOT if your partner passes OR divorce circumstances - we are NOT saying celibacy thereafter !
We are saying we would not bed hop from one to another, or choose another partner - our choice !
We do ‘not’ have a problem with anyone choosing another partner !!
Give up Patsy we obviously don’t know ourselves and will be compelled to find another man.
I have :-p
Good for you ! I can’t seem to get rid of mine despite he is convinced I am trying to poison him (he really doesn’t like quinoa LOL).
One last time… I am not saying you do not know yourself. I’m saying you know yourself as well as I knew myself… or as much as any other person knew themselves BEFORE they were widowed… That is all… over and out…
That’s fine but just look back I never said anyone else was wrong or should do what I do. Holier than thou ? shocking when this should be a safe place to give our opinions. Really has made me re-evaluate how I use the forum. And what I say of a personal nature.
Errrmmm - ladies - is the war over??? is it safe to come out the bomb shelter now??? - can I put my battle bowler away in the cupboard again???
No idea UJ as I just said it really has made me think about my use of the forum.
Really Julie… a bit dramatic? Of course it’s up to you to decide how much if any personal info you put out there… BUT… if you do… and people do not agree you will be challenged. This is a discussion site afterall… isn’t it? How boring it would be if everyone agreed.
AND UJ… it’s safe as far as I am concerned… I’m done with this discussion… ummmmm… this time for sure… maybe…
I don’t feel it’s dramatic I feel people I respected and liked chose to see things in what I was saying that wasn’t there. That makes me wonder whether I have revealed too much as you say anyone can disagree, well oddly I thought when someone posted something personal that was it personal to them no one else could know whywhatwhen so would accept it as that was what they believe and would therefore be left alone. I would be interested before you were widowed would you have liked being told you would have no idea what you would do and would be compelled to find a man ? I found that quite insulting.