Well that’s the last time I go to the loo 
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Well im still here to tell the tale that I read mags on the loo and I’m absolutely fine, no bugs or illness. I wesh me 'ands after I’ve done me business and bobs me uncle 
Seems a selling point for those cushioned loo seats. A friend’s mum had one and it was always a bit weird going to the loo there.
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Cushioned seats?
Some folks will be wanting a nice bookcase, relaxing music, heated slippers and an Expresso machine in there next. 
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Ah! Good idea. Thanks.
Daft devil. 
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Eh?..Reading on the throne?..so funny…but…I wrote some
of My best work while sitting on the cludgey… especially
those ending a relationship…“aww,I’m so sorry but I don’t
think We have anything in common,But You will always be My Friend”…Wot a liar You were May
It would never occur to me to touch a library book.
Why the hell not?..I give all My library books a good clean before I open them up.If You’re afraid of library books…Go hide Yerself at Hame…I won’t.
Because it would never occur to me to go into a library. 
Ok…Ye don’t know hat Ye’r missin’ Kid…Libraries are
wonderfful…Ive been a Member for over seventy years now.
Well I used to use the library many years ago, so I do have some insight into what I’m missing. 
Talking of eating food in the toilet, I don’t know if anyone has mentioned it yet, but I used to have a smoke whilst on the pot. Not for about 15 years now, though, as that’s when I gave up.
An added advantage was that you can throw the dog end into the bowl after you’ve finished.
Ok,so get back in there Laddie…have a coffee and a blether,
Ye know it makes sense.
But fag ends are incredibly buoyant, and very flush resistant.
And the next person to go in sees it still bobbing about in the water!! 
Do they have coffee in libraries these days? And do you have to return it later? 
Now you mention it, they did seem to float for a time afterwards.
They used to have ashtrays in airplane loos once did they not?
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