There is nothing left to learn the hard way. Things you buy now won’t wear out. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
You can live without sex but not without glasses. You reminisce about other peoples operations.
You think “401k’s” are a rip off. How’s the financial advisor doing doesn’t enter your thoughts.
You have a party and the neighbors don’t realize it. You get your Neighbor a lawn mower so he will cut yours.
You occasionally turn down the wrong street going the wrong way and think nothing of it.
Going on long Auto trips seems a PITA because Seri hasn’t a clue what you mean.
Farmer takes his pet duck, gets in his F150 and drives to the Drive in Movie in town. He Drives up to the ticket booth with the duck to buy a ticket, but the girl says, “sir, you can’t bring the Duck in here”. The country boy tries to explain ’bout how the duck is a pet, but the girl says, “SIR, I’m sorry but you can’t bring the Duck into the Drive-in theater”. So, he’s sitting in his F150, stroking the duck, trying to think, and has an idea! he buys a ticket and parks next to some Hottie town girls with the duck hidden in the back of his crew cab F150 and starts watching the movie. A few minutes later, one of the town Hotties nudges the other, and says, “this guy’s not like all the rest he’s eating my popcorn”.
The next cup of Maxwell House & I’m resigning my Commission in the Early Morning Brigade’s, “Horn Toot”
The Cattle out in the Pasture, is like Judge Judy, the pain, oh the pain !
But you love your livestock? Right ?
The teenagers parked on the limited maintenance Co. Road and said good night there. They didn’t want to wake their Parents back at the Farm house sitting outside for an hour or 2.
^. ^. I go to pieces and wanna hide, every time I want to die, I go to pieces and I want to pass on by, go to pieces every time I hear it go by! These eyes are crying, crying ever-night I hear it.
I’m at the bar and a lovely lady sitting beside me asks, ”What do you do, Sweetie”
Well I thinks a bit while sipping a few, then says, ”I race Pickup Trucks!”
The Hottie all excited asks, “Wow Sweetie," "How many races have you won?”
I take a few more sips on my Beers! …”I haven’t caught any yet!”
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for his client. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed. As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, ‘What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I’m not reheating it’. And on and on and on. Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband’s client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all.
Wright would not be hanged tonight. Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet. ‘They’re not hanging Wright tonight,’ she said.
He whirled around and screamed, ‘FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON’T YOU EVER STOP?!’
After flicking through the magazine her father says, “To be honest I’m not sure, but I don’t think spanking our 16-year-old daughter is going to help her.”
“I love you,” she said. “Is that you talking,” I asked, “Or the wine?” “It’s me talking to the wine.”
Once you’re married, people stop asking about your sex life. They know you don’t have one.
Sure, I play the world’s most dangerous sport. I disagreed with my wife.
Arguing with someone you know is like trying to read the “Terms of Use” on the internet.
Eventually, you just give up and click, “I Agree.”
I see a woman in the supermarket and say, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?” asks the Hottie? “Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”
