There is a saying
‘we shouldn’t speak ill of the dead’
My question is, having a conversation with someone about the deceased person, should one be hypocritical and pretend that they liked them and speak nicely about them? Or should you be honest and say it as it were.
Do you think people should only say nice things about a person who passed if all they were in life were horrible to you? If so, why? I suppose some would say its about respect, but again I ask, why should one respect someone in death if they didnt respect them in life, especially if someone really did you wrong whilst they were alive.
If the conversation was going " oh, she was a lovely woman wasn’t she"…should you say, yes, even if you thought they were down right horrible?
Been having a conversation about this with my very young friend tonight and she was saying why shouldn’t we say what we really mean just because they are dead, she’s got me thinking!
I agree. As long as no one living who might be upset can hear or would hear, I don’t see why lying about how you feel because someone is dead helps anyone.
The part that gets tricky is when posting/saying things in public or with people who could tell others.
If I was just writing in my journal, for instance, lying to myself isn’t helping anyone, especially me.
I suspect there are distinctions to the phrase speak ill. I have always thought there was nothing wrong in being honest about someone providing you are not, being spiteful, telling untruths, slandering them.
A friend of mine was a thoroughly difficult person, he drank too much, wasn’t good at being faithful to his wife, often argumentative, but when he had a twinkle in his eye he was excellent company, his wife adored him, and the world is a poorer place without him.
I would probably say ‘everyone has their good points’ - because everyone does. It wouldn’t be a lie and it wouldn’t be hurtful - so I would have no regrets about saying it. Better still - smile sweetly - and excuse yourself because you have to be somewhere else.
I am sure we all speak ill of the dead at times, but not when they have recently died & people that cared about them are still grieving.
The dead won’t know what people are saying about them, or care, but we should
remember that those who loved them probably saw a different side to them!
Best I think to be kindly around friends and relatives and keep it buttoned.
You don’t have to be a hypocrite but “sorry for your loss” and “I know you’ll miss that about her” if someone is extolling virtues you don’t think they had! We don’t always have to let what’s going on in our head come out of our mouth
They’re dead after all, all debts paid in a way, and it can make you look a bit petty to carry on a grudge when they can’t fight back. Let it go with a “rest in peace” is probably healthier
This got me thinking about Margaret Thatcher and Jimmy Saville
I do believe that the death of any human being, however wicked, is a loss to the world and should be treated with respect
I hate seeing the people celebrating in the US outside where an execution has taken place, the gloating at Saddam Hussain execution etc
So I don’t join in the celebrations when Margaret Thatcher died, although I understood how those who did felt and had a lot of respect the people who attended the funeral and silently turned their backs
I thought she was a wicked old harridan and the world would have been a better place I’d she’d never been born but I don’t go around wishing death on people
But believe me, she’s one “dead” I’ll always speak ill of ( but not to her grieving family and friends, if I knew them, of course)
The same with Saville, it’s open season really to speak ill of him, and anyone else, really, who’s dead but was wicked in life
(Although it does sometimes worry me that he never got to defend himself in court)
Well, if they can Swim, they will already know what I think of them! We all form opinions of people, so why should that opinion change just because they die? If I say somebody was miserable or told lies, it is just how I viewed them & that isn’t going to change after they die. I am just sensitive enough not to mention it at their wake!
I would always say exactly what i think/thought of them,especially if asked.
Other wise i would be a hypocrit.
It is suprisisng how many people talk utter bull and say the total opposte about them when they were alive.
I avoid these people as i wouldnt trust a word they said.
I have to add though,people tend to know what i think/feel about them.
I am not good with bulls…s in the world,be honest with those who do the bull…t is my policy without hurting feelings of course.
I would be aware that even though we were not pals someone loved them so I would be diplomatic … I wouldnt change my thoughts about them just because the person had died… although obviously the dynamics of the relationship have changed forever and they are no longer in my life so I hope my feelings towards their memory might soften.
We don’t always have to let what’s going on in our head come out of our mouth 