Yes it does Mups but the worst are those wet wipe thingies.
Yep. Spot on. Even the dual button ones are a waste of time.
In desperation, I just press BOTH. Doesn’t make any difference!
If Marge wasn’t around, I’d have a bucketful of water by the throne and do the job properly.
Many thanks to Meg for the tip on Waitrose essential. They do 16 rolls for £6 and it has the most sheets at 240 each roll. I’m planning to stock up in case they change their minds after the John Lewis fall in profits!
Back in the 80s there used to be jokes about recycled toilet paper, but now it’s on our shelves!
I’m convinced that newspapers are the best.
They have multiple uses.
You can read them - the best ones, of course, are the Express and the Telegraph.
Then you can use them either for toilet paper and/or making firelighters - the best ones here are the Grauniad and the Mail.
Each has its own most appropriate uses.
I had no idea one could read them too. 
Actually, I don’t buy them. I read them online because it’s free!
Little known fact : they make recycled toilet paper from the express!
Yes I know: best quality.
Grauniad recycled toilet paper falls apart before you even wipe your bottom, just like their articles.
It’s a shame bidets haven’t really caught on over here. So much more hygienic and fresher feeling than paper.
Quilted toilet paper?
I wouldn’t wipe my arse with it!
I agree. We once had one in our last house.
I used to use it to wash my feet.
That is what they’re for… isn’t it?
So long as the cleaning medium is strong enough to avoid dreaded finger contamination, any brand will do. I wonder if there’s a song in there somewhere?:shock:
Joke:- What’s a Starship Phaser and Delsey got in common?
Both have a to mission to wipe out the Klingons 
No way, I am not going to get stomach ache due to holding wind in. You know the saying “where’er you be let your wind blow free” or words to that effect! 
Perhaps some entrepreneur or inventor should come up with how to use any spare methane gas to subsidise the gas supply, or sell it back to the gas companies like spare electricity is sold back.
I thought bidets were for washing your socks and undies in?
Oooo! She said ‘farted’!
Ladies don’t use the word ‘fart’, Annie. They say ‘fluff’.
Perhaps the other ladies on here might disagree and suggest an alternative genteel term.
What an excellent idea!
A rubber tube ‘strategically placed’ feeding into an inflatable bag worn on the back, perhaps?
Watch out for me on Dragons’ Den.
I can assure you that although ladies may fart just as much as men do, our farts smell of violets and cheesecake… so the female use of the word “fart” does not have vulgar connotations.
Our local supermarket sells toilet paper. It is so thin, no wonder they call it ‘Goldfinger’.