I am a 56-year-old woman and I am not on speaking terms with my 55-year-old next-door female neighbor, and for good reason that I will not go into - but she betrayed me in the worst way possible. We will leave it at that. She has bullied and harassed me for four years to pretend to the world she is a victim of me. She is looking for some type of retaliation, and I’ve just ignored her for four years. I feel like the more I ignore her, the more she acts out. Four years have gone by, and whenever we bump into each other - and half the time we are not “bumping” into each other, she knows my routine, and she suddenly appears outside when I am pulling in and out of my driveway to go to work, Nonetheless, I ignore her, and she ignores me, but she suddenly gets very loud. She either suddenly engages in very loud, happy banter with the nearest stranger or she will loudly start talking to her dog or open and close her car door repeatedly or slam her mailbox open and closed repeatedly or if she is having a conversation with someone, she suddenly starts this huge, jovial belly laugh - instead of us ignoring each other like adults - she STILL has to call attention to herself. Why is that? Why can’t we be two quiet ships in the night passing each other? Why does she need me to stop what I am doing and look at what the commotion is? I never do look, but she goes out of her way to make sure I’ve seen her and how “happy” she is. Why can’t she just ignore me and leave me alone? Is there some type of psychology behind wanting to be noticed? Or is she still hoping for some type of retaliation. I just don’t get it.
Is this the same neighbor as the one in this thread? If so, it seems like there’s a lot of history there. There could be multiple reasons why she’s doing what she’s doing.
What you experience is common.
It happens to us all regularly. Its just life I guess.
There are no easy answers (and yet I am about to suggest one).
And no I am not going to suggest reconciliation.
Happy endings and all that are for magazines.
So just a vague idea.
I know its not likely but could either you or her move.
I am sorry.
If you can’t move, perhaps erect a fence. Or, consider installing security cameras even if they don’t work (dummy cameras).
She’ll stop doing that if she believes that you’re recording her.
Can’t you just ignore her? Not be bothered by her? You can’t choose your neighbours or your family but you can just ignore them.
You could always try to vary your routine too but is it really a problem? just ignore her and don’t let her get to you. It sounds more like a question of attitude than a real problem.
It’s a question of mind over matter, you don’t mind, she doesn’t matter.
Sorry, need the full back story!!
In this life some people are just AHs
And sadly they have to live somewhere .
It just unfortunate it happens to be next door .
That’s true Muddy, been there, but you need the whole picture, in some cases, before offering opinions.
That’s true .
Here’s the story on my neighbour .
I had been away for some weeks and on return was watering my garden .
In point of fact the border alongside the dividing fence .
He sticks his ugly mug over the fence and tells me my watering has made his fence go black .
It’s not black on my side which faces south but his side doesn’t get the sun .
Moreover we had had the wettest winter since the flood and we are on clay soil which always reaches with wooden fences
Did I say his fence ?
The fence he put up after taking down our fence while we were away and moving it 6 inches on my land .
So my plants that were 12 inches away from the original fence are now right up against it .
So he declares he will tear ther fence down .
I said tear it down but damage my plants and I will call the police .
Mr M goes around to see the black fence he can’t see any black at all
and they have words .
Now Mr M is a diplomat but he informs the neighbour that if he was going to tear it down he might put it back in the right place as it should have been .
We haven’t spoken since …
We ignore him completely .
( He has also had words with the neighbours on the other side because of the fence at that side .)
In short he’s an AH and a bully
Now this is a family who work and we being retired took in numerous parcels they were always having delivered …
We refuse to take in any now they can go elsewhere.
When we were away we used let them park some of their numerous cars they have at least five on our drive which holds two .( This was partly to give the rest of the street a rest from their parking all over the road and ruining people view fron their front rooms )
We don’t now .
So you see the stupid AH has cut off his own nose to spite his face .
But what to do an AH is an AH 
Paraphrasing
Drug dealer lives 50 yards to the right, encourages all sort of unsavoury characters onto green space next to property. housing association buys adjoining (private) property on left and houses a problem family who play loud music at 4.00am.
That was a long time ago
To be honest, when someone is behaving in an unreasonable and irrational manner like this over such a long period of time, I wouldn’t waste my time trying to work out the way her mind works or why she is doing it.
From what you have written in this thread and the previous thread about the history of her behaviour, it doesn’t sound like you are going to be able to reason with her and get her to stop trying to harass you.
The situation is obviously bothering you, even though you are trying to ignore her odd behaviour.
I think you are right to ignore it but I understand it must be difficult to do that when you cannot avoid seeing and hearing her antics.
When you can’t change someone’s else’s behaviour, all you can do is focus on what you can do to stop it bothering you so much.
If I was in your position, I would consider a couple of things that would help me to block out her behaviour and make it easier to ignore.
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I would use my smartphone (or similar mobile device that plays music) and start wearing ear buds to listen to some upbeat music when I ‘m out in my garden or going to and from my car, to drown out the sound of the annoying neighbour’s voice.
You can get very discreet wireless ear buds nowadays, so your neighbour probably won’t even know you are “drowning out” her voice - all the better if she does not realise it. -
If blocking out her voice isn’t enough and you feel too overlooked, I would consider erecting a high boundary fence between the two properties, to screen your driveway from her view when she is outside in her own garden / driveway (obviously, that would depend on whether there are any legal regulations which restrict you from fencing off your own property)
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If the regulations don’t allow a high boundary fence between the properties, I would consider moving if I could afford to.
Life is too short to spend it being made miserable by a weird and unreasonable neighbour.
Thank you for your responses, everyone. The loud laughing and obnoxious, sweet loud talking to her dog or the opening and closing of a car door or mailbox happens when she thinks I didn’t see her. She wants me to see her and she wants me to believe she’s so happy. She is just a miserable, miserable person.
She has to know that four years have gone by and I have yet to speak to her, so why she thinks her drawing attention to herself by slamming her mailbox etc. is going to incite me to make a comment, I don’t know. I don’t even care to argue with her. I want nothing to do with her. Apparently, she wants something to do with me.
I truly believe she spends a large chunk of her day spying on me from her multiple surveillance cameras and from her windows - she put up a blind on her side window where she can see out, but we can’t see in - not that we want to see, but it’s another way for her to spy, and she sees I am happy. (I can see her silhouette through the blind looking out. She is a crazy stalker.)
It is just frustrating that I can’t live in peace. Thank you for letting me vent.
I have a neighbour who acts like yours . Her false loud laugh grates on me when we’d sitting outdoors in warm weather as if she’s having a fabulously entertaining conversation while I’ve got my head in a book .
She tried to show me up a few years ago in front of another neighbour by repeating gossip she said she’d heard about me , this was because I pulled her up for claiming I had said something I definitely had not so she had to best me by more lies . I told her anymore of that slander and I’d be seeing my solicitor .
I can’t answer why your neighbour has adopted this kind of behaviour tho ,sorry but the thought occurs to me that she’s jealous of you .
If it’s so bad as to be affecting your health do consider a move
He should probably know that his fence won’t go black if he maintains it. Had he left your fence in situ it would be your responsibility. Legally you have a case if he removed your fence and built a new one on your land. He can build a new one alongside so long as it’s on his land.
Possibly his work life is seeping into his behaviour at home. People who are very stressed and lacking power at work can try to micro control the parts of their home life they have some power over.
She comes across to me as a typical attention seeker and at your expense too. By spreading malicious gossip with you at the centre, she get others’ sympathy and by doing so she is kept in their minds as a possible friend in need.
Yup you find em everywhere .
Yes we should have kicked up a fuss at the time but we were away and it was done I was furious but my husband didn’t so that was that fait accomplir .
He is a builder and owns his company and has got a nasty reputation as a bully and for causing despite over land boundaries .
Any way wiltshire is a very wet county and the fence is getting green even on the sunny side . There is a black part on his side now in the corner behind the shed where the sun never shines which is precisely where I would like to put the fence .
I don’t know which part of the US you are in. She reminds me of Mrs Kravitz in that old TV series “Bewitched”. Perhaps you can twitch your nose a bit and she will disappear!
I intensely dislike people who slam their car doors about twelve times or speak loudly on a mobile whilst walking up and down as if they are on a stage. That luvvy duvvy talking to her doggy must be the limit! Perhaps you might push an Easter card into her mail box. " Peace and Happiness".
“Notice me and I’ll be alright” , that’s what my granny used to say about kids and adults playing up to get attention
She’s clearly a Drama Llama who’s after attention
And the trouble with “ignoring’ is that often, in a weird kind of way, it can be a way of noticing and giving attention
It’s like on forums where someone announces they’re ignoring someone! That gives the person being ignored a clear message that far from ignoring them, the person doing the ignoring has been provoked and is noticing them a lot!
It’s the same with you and this neighbour. Although you’re saying you’re ignoring them, you’re not really
Not responding is showing her that you’ve noticed and are upset by her And attention seekers will take that attention if they can’t get anything else And she’ll go with more and more unpleasant behaviour for you to “ignore”
You may not be responding to them but you are still really focussed on what they’re doing, how they’re behaving etc And that’s what’s upsetting you
You can’t control their behaviour and make her ignore you, so you have to get yourself in to the mental state where you genuinely don’t give a flying what she does
Just accept that unfortunately you’ve got an oddball living next door, shrug your shoulders and smile to yourself at her antics
A bit of loud talking and crashing and banging things isn’t really doing you any serious harm in the wider view of things, is it?
Your attitude and you letting it get to you are doing you far more harm
I have a feeling she’s not the only one who can’t let this go, you haven’t either
Everytime you find yourself dwelling on her and what’s happened, just put it firmly out of your mind
Personally, I’d go back to saying a cheery Good Morning and treat her just like any other neighbour
Have you thought about going round and talking to her. Perhaps bury the hatchet. Find out why she doesn’t talk to you. Could she be asking for help and feeling lonely, but too proud to admit it… Does she live alone? Perhaps she doesn’t have anything to occupy her mind and allows it to wander and breed hate against you…Try and find something that you could do together like go for a walk, or visit a cafe. Find out what would interest her, hobbies etc, Remember…It takes two to tango…
