Thank you for your response. She attempted to have an affair with my husband all while pretending she was my best friend, and when I caught it, she took me to court for a restraining order saying I was plotting to murder her and her children, I was a window peeper, a stalker, a thief, an Internet hacker, a trespasser…. so I will never say hello to this woman. She had to build up a case against me to her own husband and all of the neighbors, so no one would believe the truth of the inappropriate texts she was sending my husband.
I act like I don’t see her and she gets loud, because I believe she believes I didn’t notice her. She wants me to notice her and she wants me to see how happy she is.
It’s just so frustrating. I just don’t know why she just can’t pretend she doesn’t see me.
Like I said, it sounds as if she did some evil things to you, and you haven’t let it go
I don’t blame you, I doubt I could either, but you are hurting yourself more than she’s hurting you by not moving on
Your type of “ignoring” her is a micro agression really, and lets her know she’s got to you
You are trying to punish her by ignoring her rather than genuinely putting it all behind you
Of course, she could pretend she hasn’t seen you, but she hasn’t moved on or let it go either so she wants to provoke you
Ignore or not, you two are still locked in a conflict
And until you can both get to the state of mine where you genuinely have no interest in what the other does or notices, it’s going to carry on
You can’t change other people’s behaviour, or make her ignore you, you can only change your own
I think you might be happier if you dug a bit into your own feelings, your anger and hurt at what she did, accept them and then try to let it go
Your reaction to the idea of saying Good Morning to her tells you how much anger and resentment you still have and that’s what’s hurting you really, not a bit of door slamming
She testified under oath i hired a hitman to murder her and her kids - the stress of fighting this in court landed me in the hospital on a heart monitor. It is unforgivable. If a judge believed her, I would have gone to jail … I will never say hello to her.
@cookiesandmilk … I’m afraid I’d have to move. She sounds totally unreasonable and your health is far more important than a vindictive nasty woman trying to ruin your life.
She’s suceeding.
Another thought occurs to me.
You don’t mention your husband much.
Are you sure it is you who is the real target ?
I can understand that , the sense of a much loved family home with historical connotations but is it worth it this neighbour is ruining Cookies life .?
Look I have an internet stalker who follows me about from forum to forum …
Especially on another site I go on
She tries and succeeds to derail any thread I start flags me to the site owner and makes up lies about me .on open forum .I ignore her completely but it’s not easy .
And it’s not nice to have a nasty vindictive person out there even in the virtual world
.
To have a malevolent presence in real life living right next door , always there must be appalling . As Maree says by ignoring you are giving them attention .
I think as everyone here does it would be best to move .but this too has difficulties
I don’t know what the law is in Coolkies country but here in the U.K. when you sell a house you have to state any issues of conflict with neighbours.
To not to do so is to leave the door open for future litigation if the new owner then has trouble .
I wonder if there is any inter mediatory that could do something ?
A clergyman or social agency ?
That court case is truly disturbing the woman sounds like a complete psycho .
Thank you! I appreciate everybody’s support and responses. This forum is validating and helpful to me, because when little things like this continue to happen after four years - her desperately trying to get my attention when she thinks I didn’t see her in her driveway by talking extra loudly to her dog - a dog she was ignoring prior to me becoming visible to her, it just aggravates me and my family members get annoyed at me for letting it get to me. It doesn’t get to me as much as before, but it is just something that is always there like a thorn on my side. It is disturbing the peace literally and figuratively. It is just always in my face - she’s always a reminder of the turmoil she has caused in my life. She told one neighbor four years ago that she was going to bully me until we move but the neighbor said they did not want to get involved. The neighbor said they weren’t taking sides, but I do believe they’ve already taken this woman’s side because she’s painting herself out to be a victim when I am the victim. This woman brought everything on herself by trying to have an affair with my husband to getting the neighbors and the police and the courts involved in trying to destroy me. I don’t deserve any of this. I caught her trying to have an affair with my husband. She should have just apologized and walked away with her tail between her legs. It’s like that Shakespearean story where “The lady doth protest too much.”
Well yes, you could try payback things but that would just escalate the issue. And make yourself be the one acting illegally.
I agree with those who said you cannot change her behaviour - and since loudly talking to dogs, slamming doors etc isnt illegal , you can’t complain to police,council etc.
I agree with Boots - find ways to make ignoring her easier,such as playing music through headphones. You wont change her but you will change how much you notice her and that is all you can do really.
I disagree with all the approaches suggested. The best way to get rid of her is to love her until she leaves or quits any weirdness. I wouldn’t ignore her I would start befriending her with a view to neutralising her toxic behaviour. But that would depend on your own personality and resilience to your own dislike. Sometimes when you break down a barrier with an individual you are at odds with the hatred disappears too. It’s not easy to be the grown up in such a situation, but it’s the only option if you don’t want to move and you don’t want to live with this.
Sorry I didn’t see that. But I wouldn’t quite go that far with the empathetic friendly approach or trying to understand her too deeply. I was suggesting more of a strategic love in to pull the carpet from under the feet of her toxicity. One thing people like this don’t expect is charm.
I would move for sure, as it seems there is no way back now.
It’s always good to be on friendly terms with neighbours, but sometimes getting too close initially, can come back to haunt us.
You only have to watch programmes like ‘Neighbours From Hell’ to understand the scale of the problems some people have to face every day.
