Two cannibals eating a clown. One says ‘does this taste funny to you’?
2 Likes
What do you call a dead Magician?
An abracadaver
2 Likes
I bought some dorito swimming trunks.
I’m going for a dip later!
1 Like
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin π
1 Like
I had a legless dog called Cigarette.
Every morning I took him out for a drag. 
2 Likes
I called the tinnitus hotline.
But it just kept ringing.
3 Likes
Is the worst time to have a heart attack … when you’re playing charades?
2 Likes
I don’t always have time to fold laundry.
But when I do, I don’t! 
1 Like
When I was a kid my parents bathed me in cheap Australian lager. It’s wasn’t until I was 18 that I realised I’d been
fostered 
2 Likes
How many cats can you put into an empty box? Only one.
After that, the box isn’t empty.
4 Likes
If you have identified a UFO as a UFO, then it becomes an FO. Unless it has landed of course, in which case it is just an O. You’re welcome! 
2 Likes
Money talks. But all mine ever says is goodbye !
1 Like
My friend suggested we go to a fancy dress party as a pheasant and a partridge.
I’m game if he is!
2 Likes
Keep a keen eye open for pheasant pluckers 
A man walks into a bar,… that must have hurt.
1 Like
And old Mrs. Hunt with her rough-cut punt. 
1 Like
A weasel walks into a bar.
The Bartender says “What can I get you?”
“Pop” goes the weasel!
2 Likes
The Beach Boys walk into a bar.
Round?
Round …
Get a round?
I’ll get a round …
(groan!)
1 Like
A bartender says, “We don’t serve time travellers in here.”
A time traveller walks into a bar.
3 Likes
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first scientist orders an H2O. The second scientist orders an H2O too. The second scientist dies
1 Like