Limericks. (New)

In court, they were dressed in red feathers
Complete with Scottish white heathers
But they held their heads high

In court, they were dressed in red feathers
Complete with Scottish white heathers
But they held their heads high
And with no word of a lie

In court, they were dressed in red feathers
Complete with Scottish white heathers
But they held their heads high
And with no word of a lie
And got carted off in bad weather.

With more snow forecast tonight

With more snow forecast tonight
We’ll need to button up tight

With more snow forecast tonight
We’ll need to button up tight
or sit by an open fire

With more snow forecast tonight
We’ll need to button up tight
or sit by an open fire
with Martin Shaw - my desire

With more snow forecast tonight
We’ll need to button up tight
or sit by an open fire
with Martin Shaw - my desire
Would be an absolute delight.

Bert had some fishcakes for tea

Bert had some fishcakes for tea
But didn’t do enough for you or me

Bert had some fishcakes for tea
But didn’t do enough for you or me
he cremated some chips

Bert had some fishcakes for tea
But didn’t do enough for you or me
he cremated some chips
Which burnt my lips

Bert had some fishcakes for tea
But didn’t do enough for you or me
he cremated some chips
Which burnt my lips
and made me feel very angry.

So I whacked him with the frying pan

So I whacked him with the frying pan
Then ran and ran, as fast as I can

So I whacked him with the frying pan
Then ran and ran, as fast as I can
Bert stood holding his head

So I whacked him with the frying pan
Then ran and ran, as fast as I can
Bert stood holding his head
And wishing he’d stayed in bed

So I whacked him with the frying pan
Then ran and ran, as fast as I can
Bert stood holding his head
And wishing he’d stayed in bed
Then went for a coffee with Stan.

When Dot’s dog cuddled up on her lap

When Dot’s dog cuddled up on her lap
And settled down for a nap

When Dot’s dog cuddled up on her lap
And settled down for a nap
They both fell asleep

When Dot’s dog cuddled up on her lap
And settled down for a nap
They both fell asleep
And dreamt of some sheep

When Dot’s dog cuddled up on her lap
And settled down for a nap
They both fell asleep
And dreamt of some sheep
And both of them gave the odd ā€˜Yap’

When Tabs entered ā€˜Dancing on ice’

When Tabs entered ā€˜Dancing on Ice’
Her partner was handsome and nice