Limericks. (New)

Bert was agape, and instantly smitten
By Eros’s arrow he had been bitten
With no thoughts of poor May

Bert was agape, and instantly smitten
By Eros’s arrow he had been bitten
With no thoughts of poor May
He pondered how best to make his play

Bert was agape, and instantly smitten
By Eros’s arrow he had been bitten
With no thoughts of poor May
He pondered how best to make his play
So he went out and bought her a kitten

The blonde said “a kitten no way”

The blonde said “a kitten no way”
“Did you buy it - or was it a stray?”

The blonde said “a kitten no way”
"Did you buy it - or was it a stray?
Now Bert got upset

The blonde said “a kitten no way”
"Did you buy it - or was it a stray?
Now Bert got upset
For it had been May’s pet

The blonde said,“a kitten, no way”
" did you buy it ,or was it a stray"
Now Bert got upset
For it had been May’s pet
So he stompted off and called it a day

One night at the local boozer

One night at the local boozer
Bert bumped into the local bruiser

One night at the local boozer
Bert bumped into the local bruiser
Bert owed him some money

One night at the local boozer
Bert bumped into the local bruiser
Bert owed him some money
Which wasn’t so funny

One night at the local boozer
Bert bumped into the local bruiser
Bert owed him some money
Which wasn’t so funny
Poor Bert was on to a loser

With some flowers he went back to may

One night at the local boozer
Bert bumped into the local bruiser
Bert owed him some money
Which wasn’t so funny
And he knew he was really a loser.

He went to hide in the loo

He went to hide in the loo
He didn’t know what else he could do

He went to hide in the loo
He didn’t know what else he could do
He’d spent all his dosh

He went to hide in the loo
He didn’t know what else he could do
He’d spent all his dosh
On gals who were posh

He went to hide in the loo
He didn’t know what else he could do
He’d spent all his dosh
On gals who were posh
And then the last bit on Sue.

Now Sue was a classy minx

Now Sue was a classy minx
Muttered Bert a cracker me thinks

Now Sue was a classy minx
Muttered Bert a cracker me thinks
But in spite of his lust

Now Sue was a classy minx
Muttered Bert a cracker me thinks
But in spite of his lust
And her decent sized bust

Now Sue was a classy minx
Muttered Bert a cracker me thinks
But in spite of his lust
And her decent sized bust
He decided to grab forty winks.

Then Bert woke with a start